I relapsed. Because I went against my better judgment and placed myself in a precarious situation I started drinking the night before work. Guess who couldn’t be bothered to attend the next day? No call, no show, nothing. I just kept right on hitting the bottle. Mind you this was a dream job of mine that I absolutely adored. Once the booze wore off I realized the magnitude of what I’d done by screwing this up….so I drank and drank and drank.
Shortly thereafter I went to a treatment facility. After spending approximately a month there I left voluntarily– without going into specifics I’ll say there was a situation there that didn’t sit well with me. I had no plans whatsoever to drink and was heading towards a safe place. En route I unexpectedly ran into some old friends and it was off to the races.
The next few weeks were so unspeakably horrific I’m not even going to discuss them. I want to shield my family from the gory details so I’m saving it for the rooms of recovery. It’s a miracle I’m alive and we’ll leave it at that.
Why am I so open about my struggles? I’m sure there are some who would rather me not be so candid and I understand their apprehension. Every addict or alcoholic has the right to chose how much or how little they divulge about their condition. It’s a highly personal choice. Yet I refuse to stay quiet because that would imply shame. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about me. I’m not a bad person. I’m a sick person. And I think it’s crucial to see that even the sickest people can manage their illness. People who take steps to fix their problems should be commended.
Addiction is an epidemic. It’s ruining– and ending– lives and destroying families. We’re not doing enough as a society to combat this insidious beast. It’s time to shatter the stigma associated with those affected by alcohol and drugs. I don’t have any easy answers. But my sincerest hope is that if I share my story perhaps one person feels a little less alone. Maybe somebody finds the inspiration they need to get help. Or maybe an alcoholic’s parent will have a better understanding of the disease that has sucked the soul out their child. This is my way of taking control of my recovery and telling the monster it won’t win.
My story’s far from over…but this chapter’s a wonderful one. I’m happily back home with my family. I’m clean and sober. I’m giving my recovery 110% and working my program. Even though it is not in my best interests to work outside of the home at this point I still have an income thanks to my business and writing. I have dreams and goals and plans. Life is good.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,