Joey

My beloved finally came home. 

One day.  That’s precisely how long we lasted before beer entered the equation.  Just 24 hours and it was off to the races.  How the hell did it even happen?  This wasn’t the plan– far from it.  Neither one of us is to blame yet we are both at fault.  I felt so helpless as I watched things spiral out of control, descending into madness.  Cunning.  Baffling.  Powerful.

us1

Reunited at last

How I managed to slam on the brakes before derailing completely can only be attributed to a power greater than myself.  A temporary bout of insanity reaffirmed my commitment to sobriety.  I picked up a white chip, accepted the bump in the road, and forged ahead on my journey.  Yet he chose a different path.

His story is not mine to tell.  But it is no secret he struggles so I don’t feel as though I am violating his privacy or dropping a potentially damaging bombshell.  It hurts seeing the man I love so deeply in such crisis.  He’s a good person with a bad sickness.

truth2

Given the precariousness of my own situation I cannot risk being around him.  We parted ways.  I mean that in physical sense…emotionally we’re on hiatus.  I refuse to drag myself down to save somebody else.  Nobody or nothing will jeopardize my sobriety.  I will fight for it tooth and nail because it is literally a life or death situation for me.

Every ounce of my being hopes this separation does not become permanent.  I know he has lost the power of choice with his alcoholism– but help awaits if and when he chooses to receive it.  There is nothing I want more than for us to live our lives together, sober and happy, just as we planned.  We’ve done it before.  We can do it again.

us2

I want my best friend back.

My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest.  I’m a fish out of water.  And those are very mild descriptions.  It’s almost too painful to discuss.  So I’m living in a state of denial and pretending this isn’t happening.  Which is exactly what I need to do until I am better equipped to deal with this situation.

Do not be so ignorant and offensive as to insult the man I love or give me any variation of ‘I told you so.’  Pray for him.  Keep him and all the other sick and suffering individuals in your thoughts.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

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About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Changes, Grief, Highest Self, Jojo Dancer, Love, Raleigh, Recovery, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Joey

  1. Sarah says:

    Love you for being so strong and dedicated to a really good life!!! Stay strong!!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. d2mama2016 says:

    There is so much to admire in your reaction to this situation. To be able to stand firm in what you need for yourself, but remain open to him spiritually, knowing that it’s the alcohol ruling him right now…wow. Hats off to you. You’re giving him every possible opportunity to make the best choice for a different kind of life. I hope he takes it – for your sake and his! ❤

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