“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” ~ Thomas Merton
Until very recently happiness as a constant evaded me. Sure, I reacted to specific circumstances with a feeling of happiness, but it was fleeting. Now I live a happy existence. And it’s so much more than a reaction. Everyday I feel content and at peace because it’s my state of mind. Like Merton says, it’s not about intensity. I don’t waltz through my day on a high from euphoric explosions of glee. It’s the little things. Following my routine gives me balance, order, rhythm, and harmony. When I have those things happiness comes naturally and everything else falls into place. In other words I’ve finally found my groove and am truly happy.
So happy, in fact, I’m restructuring my entire life. Every day I’m pushing back my wake up call by 15 minutes until I reach the desired number. Currently it’s hovering around 5am. There’s something to be said for having a few hours to myself before the kids are awake and I’m competing with Dad for the laptop. Although I’m trying to go to bed earlier, as an inherent night owl since childhood, it’s difficult. Because of my nocturnal hard wiring I just don’t get tired before midnight. But I cannot sustain these changes without adequate sleep so my body’s learning to adjust.
I’m thoroughly enjoying my morning time thus far– uninterrupted, unhurried, and not exhausted from a full day. If I have to take a power nap during the afternoon, so be it. Given the extra hours of productivity associated with my early wake up time napping for an hour is hardly a sacrifice.
Joey and I celebrate monthly anniversaries for our relationship. I hope we’ll always do this, even as we accumulate yearly ones. Whether go to dinner [which is surprisingly affordable if you subtract booze from the tab], team up for service work, or just carve out a few hours of quality time together…these little milestones should be acknowledged. Never again will we take each others company for granted.
Speaking of milestones, we love celebrating our recovery ones as well. And months should be recognized– that’s a whole lot of 24 hours! My man hit red chip eligibility several days ago and I’m one proud lady. With time chips become a medallion and then the medallions multiply. What an exciting prospect. It’s a dream well within our reach.
Happy anniversary, darling. You are so loved. Thanks for being a part of this journey with me.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,