Cupid’s mighty arrow

What better time than now to share my internet dating adventures, part deux?  Hopefully within the next few days I’ll amplify the excitement in this department because I have several dates in the works.  I’m slowly but surely getting my feet wet.  Round two seems to be off to a smooth start.  Despite a few annoyances, a couple of sleazeballs, and a very interesting request, I have no major complaints.   It’s easier because I know what to expect and I’m at a much better place in my life than I was two years ago.

With a few notable exceptions, the users on my previous service failed to impress.  Here I find options and variety, interesting people whom I can relate to on a variety of levels, and I look forward to seeing what my inbox holds.  Overall the quality of potential suitors seems to have grown exponentially.  Compare it to pilfered instant coffee versus a Starbucks gift certificate legitimately obtained.  Cupid’s mighty arrow spears the questionable fish of dating sites past.

I’ll supplement this endeavor with some 90’s tuneage to make it more pleasurable for all parties involved. 

Although most women eschew politics for Tinder, I am not amongst them.  If I wanted to open the door to all sorts of lunatics quickly meet strangers within a given radius or seek validation for my appearance then I’d be on Tinder.  Wanting to rendezvous with me only because you find my photo attractive?  Take your shallow self elsewhere.  I crave substance.

[[ Sidenote:  Bashing Tinder is not my objective.  I actually think the concept is quite interesting– suddenly finding yourself face to face with an aesthetically pleasing person to see if there’s chemistry and a connection beyond the mutual physical attraction– but it’s simply not for me.  Pictures pale in comparison to personalities. ]]

Spare me the lecture on the necessity of attraction and chemistry.  We’re all human.  Looks do matter.  I realize that my photo probably prompted you to visit my profile…but I sincerely hope it’s the non-visual material that piques your interest and makes you stay.  I took the time to create a profile that is accurate and informative.  I even linked my blog [and issued the ‘dating disclaimer’] in the first sentence so people could see me in my natural element if they so desired.  Reading Cocktails With Hemingway tells someone more about me than any summary I post on a dating website.  Ample fodder for conversation can be found in the information I provided even without the blog.  So in other words, do your homework.  Start a dialogue that lets me know you took the time to read my profile just like I took the time to write it.

One of my favorite things about this particular site is that you can see who has viewed your profile.  Frowning upon those who message without viewing illustrates my hypocritical tendencies in the online dating world.  Sometimes I don’t read the profiles of people who message me.  I’m notorious for skimming.  And I have a tendency to let multiple conversations transpire before I even think to look at what they’ve written.  Oops.  However, in my defense I thoroughly read a profile before I message somebody making initial contact.

My ideal progression goes something like this–  laying the foundation with online communication, then phone correspondence, and finally human interaction.  Anyone who attempts to dissuade me from this preference automatically raises a red flag.  Need an example?  Let’s take a look at this pushy specimen and see how he ultimately got blocked:

DUDE:  Good morning we need to get together soon and chat over some coffee

[We d0n’t ‘need’ to do anything, homeboy.]

SLOANE:  I don’t meet people from here unless I’ve gotten to know them.

DUDE:  I understand that and at the same time is there something wrong with meeting me in a public place and getting to know each other over coffee

[So you tell me you understand and then immediately try to argue; that means you don’t understand.]

SLOANE:  Yeah there is.  Because I don’t know you.

DUDE:  So what would you like to know about me

SLOANE:  It’s not like me asking a few questions constitutes getting to know you.  When conversation flows naturally with somebody and I feel like we’ve connected, that’s when I’m willing to take steps towards meeting in person.

DUDE:  That’s fine I’m just trying to get to know you and where I’m from you meet up at a public place so you can look at the other person and have a more one on one connection with that person.

[Trying to push your ideas onto me won’t make me change my mind but it will show me how little you respect my beliefs.] 

DUDE:  What’s there to fear there are other people present and you can pick the place

[Aggressive much?]

SLOANE:  Where I’m from time is valuable and shouldn’t be wasted. Spending a little extra time on here lets me know whether or not I’m compatible with somebody so I don’t have to waste my time on a lousy outing.

You’re not my type. I don’t appreciate people saying they ‘understand’ and then getting pushy. So I think it’s a waste of your time trying to get to know me. I hope you find what you are looking for on here….but it’s not me.  Toodles.

That exchange was a double whammy of obnoxiousness.  Not only was he pushy and aggressive, but he also managed to pull off one of my biggest pet peeves here.  When I tell somebody I’m not comfortable meeting somebody until I get to know them on here half of them inevitably respond with “What do you want to know?”  Nothing.  If our conversation isn’t flowing organically then it’s going to fizzle.  If you haven’t been able to sustain our dialogue after what’s up for the first half a dozen times….number seven won’t be any different.  Don’t force something that isn’t there.

Onto more pleasant things.

Want to go on a date with me?  Carpe diem, intrepid dater.  Dazzle me with the eighth wonder of the world:  Downtown Dining Week.  Now is the perfect opportunity to become my culinary companion for a limited time only.  I am not nearly as receptive to dining excursions the other 51 weeks of a year.  My three course meal will only cost you $20.14 and you’ll become an internet celebrity when I blog about our adventure.  Win win.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,



About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
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