Back in September I shared 10 Things I Love About Z, a list that grows with every passing day. It’s impossible to delineate all that’s incredible about my boyfriend– and why our relationship just works— and twenty bullet points doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. Consider this a general overview versus a comprehensive outline.
10 (More) Things I Love About Z:
1) He’s not like the others. My track record with terrible pairings makes a Kardashian marriage look healthy. Actions associated with boyfriends past have no place with Z. Because I am a creature of habit– and certain patterns have become so ingrained in my routine– I find myself defaulting to the standard response of previous relationships. Behaviors from the dark ages spills over into my current situation, though I find it happening less and less. And he deserves better than that. Change requires effort and it doesn’t happen overnight. I’m grateful for his patience as he repeatedly proves how special he is. Soon I will finally get it through my thick head that what we have is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
2) Despite my tantrums he still assists me when I’m having technical difficulties. Several days ago we were arguing in front of Kroger as he finished a cigarette. I stomped off in a huff [imagine that] leaving him alone outside. Once inside my agitation only increased when I discovered there were no cheese samples for me to taste. Bundling up in my hoodie to pout seemed as good a solution as any….until my zipper got stuck. With my eyes laser focused on my jacket, I stumbled around bumping into various displays, torn between bursting into tears or breathing fire. Obscenities were mumbled. There was a foot stomp. Suddenly I felt a tug on my zipper. Like magic it slid up to my chin! In one fell swoop Z fixed my malfunctioning garment, gave me a look, and kept right on walking, leaving me to pout with my inner five year old. Needless to say we reconciled shortly thereafter.
3) It’s unacceptable for me to silently retreat into my shell. Minor issues now can escalate into major problems later if they are not dealt with appropriately, so he leaves no stone unturned. We tackle things head on, working through our difficulties, even though I sometimes fight him tooth and nail. He demands to know what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling…and that’s just what I need. We put it all on the table. Even though I share more of myself with him than I ever have– and I do so happily and willingly– I still struggle with the urge to clam up and build walls. Knowing I won’t get away with it makes me less inclined to even attempt.
4) We know how to fight. Half a year into things we have yet to have a major altercation. Most of our skirmishes are promptly forgotten or laughed about in hindsight. But when those quarrels arise he never loses sight of the big picture– the fact that we’re a team. With him I can put aside my pride. I don’t have to have the last word or ‘win’ the argument. In spite of my tendency to lash out in anger he’s careful not to hurt me in the heat of the moment. He plays fair even though he has the capacity to wound me greatly. Last week he confronted me about something troubling him. The discussion turned heated. It could have easily spiraled out of control had he not kept his cool. Throughout our exchange he told me how he felt, expressing his anger with the problem, but not me. I wasn’t attacked or belittled. At one point I just stared at him as he vented and thought “this man truly loves me and is showing me the utmost respect even at a time like this.” Both of us came away from the issue with a deeper understanding of ourselves and a greater appreciation of our bond. And we haven’t mentioned it since.
5) I’m blown away by the fact that he always knows exactly what to say. Years ago I used to dream of ‘Mr. Right’ and the dazzling words that would flow freely from his mouth….at least until I was old enough and wise enough to know such a concept didn’t exist..*** However, Z astounds me with his uncanny ability to provide a response that’s as close to perfect as it gets. Handling potentially difficult situations with aplomb, he knows how to best present information to me. His tone is never condescending or unkind. My entire day can be transformed by a single sentence from him. I find myself wanting to speak– and listen– more effectively in our conversations so he knows exactly what it feels like to always hear the right thing. By the same token he also knows when to say “yes ma’am” and stay out of my way. Heh heh.
6) Driving half an hour to pick me up from work only to spend ten minutes together is something he does without complaint. Neither one of us has excess funds to blow on gas but we find a way to pinch pennies elsewhere. Knowing that he’ll do whatever it takes to see me– even for just a few minutes– reminds me of my value to him. He’ll literally drop me off on my doorstep and turn around and drive home. There’s nothing else in the area that warrants such a trip. I don’t thank him enough for making our time together a priority.
7) Life has not gotten the best of him. If he were so inclined he could succumb to frustration, self-pity, bitterness, or lose hope entirely. Very few would fault him for negativity, especially pertaining to his health. But he just doesn’t think that way. Never failing to appreciate his blessings he views obstacles as learning experiences. Despite the consistent disappointments from some of those closest to him he hasn’t become jaded. In fact, he continues to believe in the inherent good of people, giving freely and trusting easily. He’s never met a stranger. It boggles my mind how he can start a conversation and make friends so easily. Even more baffling [at least to my anxiety-stricken self] is the fact that he truly enjoys doing such things. I’ll never understand his gregarious nature but I love him all the more because of it. May he never lose faith in humanity and become a member of my antisocial cynic club. 😉
8) Never have I been so comfortable around another human being. Preferring to keep people at arm’s length, I rarely lower my guard. Letting my hair down– and being totally silly– just doesn’t come naturally to me. When I can act totally carefree around another person it implies that I have a tremendous amount of trust for them. Z will be the first to tell you that I’m a spastic, silly, goofball. The level of comfort I share with him is matched only by Maris [who is my Soul Sister so that’s a different ballgame] and I love being my silly self around kindred spirits!
9) His total commitment to our journey both reassures and inspires me. Neither one of us is where we want to be in life right now….and we’ve got a long way to go until we get there. Much of the necessary work to see the results we want must be done individually. We motivate, encourage, and support each other in our respective situations. I know that he’s one of my biggest cheerleaders as I strive to accomplish my goals, believing in me even when I question myself. We’re determined to conquer what things we can as a couple as a united front. There’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll not only meet– but exceed– expectations. Rising to the top becomes exponentially sweeter [and gratifying] when you’re climbing from the bottom.
10) Our mutual weirdness makes us mutually awesome. People who witness us in action understand instantly why we work. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said something to the effect of ‘we share a brain’ or ‘he is the male version of me’ but it’s the truth. He gets me. I understand him. We never stop laughing because we see the humor in everything. We finish each others sentences. We’re on the same wavelength. We’re always our crazy, unfiltered, quirky selves when we’re together. Although I’m never anything less than myself 100% of the time but I love how he sees a side of me most people never witness. And I know him in ways that some of his best friends don’t. Sometimes it feels like we’re the only two people on the planet. In many ways we do inhabit our own little world– which is exactly how we like it.
*** I still think Mr. Right is an unrealistic, borderline foolish figment of my childhood imagination. Yet I’m 110% convinced that ‘Mr. Right For Me’ is a concrete reality. And for the purposes of this blog we’ll call him Z.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,