Four days after he was discharged Z is back at the hospital, this time in ICU. Thankfully I’ll be seeing him tomorrow morning. A nurse was kind enough to call and assure me that he was stable and they were taking good care of him. Since I’ve known him he’s been admitted to the hospital [for multiple days] three times. Does it take a toll on me? Absolutely. Yet just as he has to manage his physical health I must manage my emotional health– and I’m becoming increasingly adept at doing so.
I am acutely aware of the fact that he’ll be in and out of the hospital for the rest of his life. His struggles include two chronic conditions that will stay with him until the day he dies. There’s no cure for either of them. Nor is there any sort of remission. It’s such a cruel irony that the very medicines designed to keep him alive are what’s making him so ill. Simply put, what he needs for his diabetes [insulin] and what is required for his auto immune disorder [steroids] clash violently. And both are necessities. Which keeps him stuck in a vicious catch 22….
Some people question my decision to commit so fully to somebody so sick, especially since we’re a relatively new couple. Here’s the short answer: “I love him and cannot see myself with anyone else.” The longer version is something I’ll be explaining in depth in a future post. But tonight I cannot write anymore about sickness or stress. I vow to spend the rest of my evening blogging about topics that are lighthearted.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,