Confession: Z brings out the hopeless romantic in me. Oozing sappiness from my lovestruck pores I behave like I’m in a Taylor Swift song. Every time he calls my heart skips a beat. We write each other notes composed on pen and paper. I gush constantly about my boyfriend and how perfect we are for each other. Remember how my once ironclad 10/12/13 flew out the window after three dates with him?
25% of a calendar year. That’s how new our relationship is. So why does seem like we’ve been together for ages?! It’s hard to remember my life before he was in it. I truly believe– and this is a very bold statement coming from me– that he is my soulmate. And I didn’t necessarily believe in such a concept either, at least not in the traditional sense. Yet with him it feels like we were made to be together. Such an incredible feeling, knowing that you’ve found someone with whom it all makes sense, your missing puzzle piece….
A friend cautioned me that we were in the honeymoon phase. I could not help but laugh internally. Our time together has been anything but. We’ve shared joy, of course, but the heartache and pain [both as individuals and in our relationship] would have brought most new couples to a screeching halt. Even many long term relationships wouldn’t survive the things we have. With our shared commitment to perseverance we know that these trials will only make our relationship stronger. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: honesty and communication form the foundation upon which we are built.
In fairness to said friend I completely understand his point of view. Combine the intensity of certain aspects of our relationship with our short time together….and I can see why some might be more than a little skeptical. But what I’m experiencing is such a rarity for me I want to savor every blissful second of it. We’re giddy and passionate yet focused and grounded. We’re smart enough to learn from past mistakes. We’re moving at a snail’s pace when it comes family introductions. We’re discovering more about each other every day. We’re not rushing into anything because we have all the time in the world.
Despite the euphoria associated with the excitement of a new relationship, I don’t think the novelty will ever wear off for us. The passing of time will only enhance our bond. I’ve honestly never felt for another person what I feel for Z. Have I been in love before? Yes. Twice. But the difference is that I am in a healthy, adult relationship with said lover. I’ve never had the ‘right’ relationship with someone whom I loved. Either I was too young [Adam] or too carefree [Will] but now all factors fall into place. Maturity, financial stability, mental clarity, self-confidence, parenthood– everything is different for me now.
I vacillate between emotions….and wonder how I’m so lucky. This man loves me?! What did I do to receive such a blessing? Then again I’ve endured so much! Perhaps, just maybe, I deserve this. Z reminds me of the fact that after every storm a sunny day emerges. My best friend and my soulmate. All of the passion and chemistry accompanying a new love combined with the mutual respect and attraction…it just makes sense. Anyone who has seen us together understands. Maris, I thank you especially for supporting us as we find our terra firma together.
Faith. Always a complicated issue for me. Very few appreciate my relationship with Neshoba and the spirituality I encompass. But he does. It’s crazy how much he understands my perspective even if he does not agree with it in its entirety. Thanks to Z I know that God has a plan. Even if you don’t call the divine presence ‘god,’ a power greater than ourselves exists. And there is no doubt in my mind that everything will be okay for us. Why should I stress when 90% of my fears are in the future? We’ll cross that bridge when– and if– we come to it. Everywhere we are is exactly where we’re supposed to be when we’re supposed to be there.
Rituals and prayers help me understand that a little divine intervention is necessary. Never in a million years did I think a chance [or was it fate?] encounter off of Sulgrave would lead me to the one who shares my brain. Think of everything that had to happen in order for the stars to align for our meeting. It boggles my mind. All I can do is laugh….and be grateful.
I love you so very much, Z. Meeting you forced me to meet myself. With you by my side I know there’s nothing we can’t conquer. Only ten days until we skip through Walmart. Thank you for loving me. The feeling’s mutual times a million.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,