Not so golden

Several weeks ago I clashed with a former male suitor.  As a result of our exchange I severed ties with him.  Other than this one incident I have nothing negative to say about this person…though I must admit I wonder.  How many more issues would have presented themselves after such a revealing dialogue?  If you’re not seeing eye to eye with someone whom you don’t know very well, it’s best to go your separate ways before a minor annoyance turns into a major argument.

Homeboy sends me a series of text messages about a date he’d had with an acquaintance of mine.  Normally this would not bother me in the least– I was more than happy to give the lady in question a glowing review– and I’d previously offered him advice about how to best proceed with her.  Unfortunately for him I was having a terrible day.  The last thing I wanted was to hear about love, happiness, and long walks on the beach.  Admittedly, my responses started short and quickly turned to snappy.  It was time to excuse myself from the conversation.  But not before I received the thinly veiled insult.

textEssentially he told me that his date did not act bored or try to rush the evening.  Two very specific descriptions which I am paraphrasing.  Guess who was a repeat offender for those very crimes?!  Oops.  Initially I chalked his statement up to wounded pride, perhaps even a misguided attempt to make me jealous.  On second thought I decided that he was deliberately being catty and/or attempting to make me feel bad.  Whatever the reason[s] for his comment I sent him a concise response telling him that I had no room for people like that in my life.

Not only did he vehemently deny the not-so-subtle diss, he acted completely clueless as to why his statement might offend me.  Really?!  I offered a thinly veiled insult of my own and asked how he’d feel if the tables were reversed.  Apparently he’d have no reason to think anything was amiss unless I included his name in my thinly veiled insult.  Uh okay.  So I work at a shoe store, have 15 tattoos, wear glasses, raise two children as a single mother, and my degrees are in political science and English from the University of Memphis but you’re not talking about me because you don’t say my name.  Understood.

aloneLet’s pretend he truly did not realize the error of his ways.  Or even if his effect was intentional.  The course of action should be the same.  An apology would have worked wonders.  Maybe even some commiseration.  Saying “I’m sorry” and “I can see why that would bother you” goes a long way with me.  Of course that didn’t happen.

Instead he became defensive and pushy.  I could see very clearly that he was attempting to shift the focus and put me in the hot seat.  Then he dropped a bombshell:  “You’re attacking the one person in your life who has treated you like gold.”  Excuse me?!?!  Homeboy doesn’t know me [or anyone else who is important in my life for that matter].  Did he really just say that?  Either he’s the most obtuse person in the history of the universe or he suffered an acute bout of foot in mouth syndrome with that whopper.  Never mind the fact that I am– and always have been– surrounded by friends and family who would hang the moon for me.  While I don’t have the greatest overall track record with relationships, plenty of my boyfriends have treated me wonderfully.

His arrogance floored me.  In the past he’d made comments that hinted at characteristics that were extremely repulsive to me, and I regret not mentioning my concern in real time.  Live and learn.  Newsflash:  if gold is pushy, arrogant, overbearing, and trying to change me….you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to be near it.  Witnessing boys behaving badly reminds me how lucky I am to have Z.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,



About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
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4 Responses to Not so golden

  1. Tish says:

    Welcome to the world of men.

  2. ray zankman says:

    Maybe he wanted to express how much he cared. sounds like he wanted to express way the best way he knew how. Maybe he would like nothing more than to work out the situation. You shutting him out really didn’t help the situation and it sounded very passive aggressive of you to take it out on him because of you having a bad day. Everyone’s got an opinion so take mine for what it is. Some people say what they mean and mean what they say and if your name isn’t mentioned then it’s probably not about you. I would admit that the comment one person obviously was a little much and out of context but not having a face to face conversation to work things out a little much. It sounds to me that you two had a decent friendship. There were problems that just needed to be discussed. Sounds like both people where at fault here

    • Hi Ray,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and offer your opinion. However, there are two of your statements I’d like to clarify. First, I wouldn’t say I had a ‘decent friendship’ with this person. We’d been on a couple of dates, that’s all. In the grand scheme of things we hardly knew each other. Second, I insist upon face to face conversations to work through conflict or address sensitive issues….but only with the key players in my life. Family, close friends, coworkers, etc. get face time. Yet sometimes it’s easier to cut your losses with a casual acquaintance, if that makes any sense. Thanks again for reading!

      • ray zankman says:

        So you could say he wasn’t really that important in your life to begin with That makes it a lot more understandable. It’s been an enjoyable read had a similar situation with a friend ran across your blog figured it would help him with the appropriate advice to give him. Thanks for your time and response.

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