Several weeks ago I clashed with a former male suitor. As a result of our exchange I severed ties with him. Other than this one incident I have nothing negative to say about this person…though I must admit I wonder. How many more issues would have presented themselves after such a revealing dialogue? If you’re not seeing eye to eye with someone whom you don’t know very well, it’s best to go your separate ways before a minor annoyance turns into a major argument.
Homeboy sends me a series of text messages about a date he’d had with an acquaintance of mine. Normally this would not bother me in the least– I was more than happy to give the lady in question a glowing review– and I’d previously offered him advice about how to best proceed with her. Unfortunately for him I was having a terrible day. The last thing I wanted was to hear about love, happiness, and long walks on the beach. Admittedly, my responses started short and quickly turned to snappy. It was time to excuse myself from the conversation. But not before I received the thinly veiled insult.
Essentially he told me that his date did not act bored or try to rush the evening. Two very specific descriptions which I am paraphrasing. Guess who was a repeat offender for those very crimes?! Oops. Initially I chalked his statement up to wounded pride, perhaps even a misguided attempt to make me jealous. On second thought I decided that he was deliberately being catty and/or attempting to make me feel bad. Whatever the reason[s] for his comment I sent him a concise response telling him that I had no room for people like that in my life.
Not only did he vehemently deny the not-so-subtle diss, he acted completely clueless as to why his statement might offend me. Really?! I offered a thinly veiled insult of my own and asked how he’d feel if the tables were reversed. Apparently he’d have no reason to think anything was amiss unless I included his name in my thinly veiled insult. Uh okay. So I work at a shoe store, have 15 tattoos, wear glasses, raise two children as a single mother, and my degrees are in political science and English from the University of Memphis but you’re not talking about me because you don’t say my name. Understood.
Let’s pretend he truly did not realize the error of his ways. Or even if his effect was intentional. The course of action should be the same. An apology would have worked wonders. Maybe even some commiseration. Saying “I’m sorry” and “I can see why that would bother you” goes a long way with me. Of course that didn’t happen.
Instead he became defensive and pushy. I could see very clearly that he was attempting to shift the focus and put me in the hot seat. Then he dropped a bombshell: “You’re attacking the one person in your life who has treated you like gold.” Excuse me?!?! Homeboy doesn’t know me [or anyone else who is important in my life for that matter]. Did he really just say that? Either he’s the most obtuse person in the history of the universe or he suffered an acute bout of foot in mouth syndrome with that whopper. Never mind the fact that I am– and always have been– surrounded by friends and family who would hang the moon for me. While I don’t have the greatest overall track record with relationships, plenty of my boyfriends have treated me wonderfully.
His arrogance floored me. In the past he’d made comments that hinted at characteristics that were extremely repulsive to me, and I regret not mentioning my concern in real time. Live and learn. Newsflash: if gold is pushy, arrogant, overbearing, and trying to change me….you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to be near it. Witnessing boys behaving badly reminds me how lucky I am to have Z.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,