Post written 8/30/13:
It’s been a week since I’ve been on any dates from the internet. So much has happened in those seven days– but this is neither the time nor the place to discuss it. Suffice it to say I’m no longer dating people I meet online. In fact, I’m no longer dating at all. Despite my aversion to romance and my less than spectacular girlfriend skills….the undeniable and inescapable truth is that I’m the relationship type. 10/12/13 is no more.
Not too long ago I found myself on the receiving end of a rather heated text exchange with a male suitor. Which one matters not as it’s all water under the bridge now. He apologized [and I truly appreciate that] but his words really got to me. To make a long story short he said that he didn’t want to be one of many vying for my affection and/or go broke trying to woo me with memorable dates. Initially my response was anger. Never had I been less than forthcoming with anyone– 10/12/13, my refusal to see a single person exclusively, the fact that I blog, etc.– and this reaction offended me. You can’t help how you feel. Why did it seem like I was being chastised for staying true to myself and trying to date the ‘right’ way?
As we spoke more he told me that his feelings for me were intense. His intention was not to offend me; rather, he hoped to preserve his own emotions by disengaging. I cannot even tell you how much respect and admiration I have for this incredible man to speak with such candor. It’s not easy to admit that you are hurt, even jealous, and possibly spoke with more bitterness than intended. So I put myself in his shoes– I know from personal experience how difficult it is when the one you like can not or does not reciprocate that sentiment– and I also know how painful it can be seeing them with somebody else. Of course this conversation made me feel lower than pond scum, albeit inadvertently.
Let me reiterate my unwavering position: I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings nor did I do anything for the sake of writing material. Blogging about my dating life was not meant to be mean spirited or illicit competition. Of the five guys I went on dates with….I can honestly say that my experiences with each of them was thoroughly enjoyable. It is my sincere hope that I can count C, D, G, B, and M among my friends and spend time with them in the future. Even if it’s not a ‘date.’ The lessons I learned from this endeavor taught me so much about myself. If I did not sense a potential connection I wouldn’t have wasted my time, much less done so repeatedly with three people. Please accept my sincerest apologies if I upset you in any way as that was not my intention.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,