Has it really only been one month since I established 10/12/13? Only a third of the way there– but at least I have a better idea what will occur on that day. First and foremost, my profile gets deleted from the dating website. I’m so over it. Talk about a pain in my derriere. I made a commitment to check messages daily, and I will honor it, but I feel like I’ve already gone ‘off the computer’ with everyone I actually want to know. We’ll see. Beyond profile deletion, I have no clue as to the magic [or lack thereof] that will transpire on my special October date. As much as I enjoy my various outings with male suitors….it reminds me why I am a serial monogamist….and I want the madness to cease. Whether or not this means settling down with somebody specific or simply retreating back into my shell, your guess is as good as mine.
Given my impossibly high standards– I have more than earned the right to be picky– are there any worthy suitors? Absolutely. Have I felt a connection with some? Most definitely. Do I think that others might not be compatible for the long haul? Mhmm. Yet there seems to be a lack of ‘OMG let’s elope without further ado‘ chemistry. Not that I expect that. As I grow older and wiser I know that those connections are made with conversation and shared experiences. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It’s not practical to expect initial dates to fuel a spark that launches fireworks. Part of me wants that but I also know it’s either lust and/or attraction for the wrong reason[s]. Never again will I be interested in a relationship that does not come from a solid friendship first.
With all this talk about guys, let me take a moment to acknowledge one of the best ones: Doyle. I love you to the moon and back. What I wouldn’t give to smell like sulfur. Yet another completely irrelevant photo.
Every bone in my body aches. To say I’m exhausted is an understatement. I’m not a social butterfly nor do I want to be. These wings can’t flap much longer. Thankfully they won’t have to. Tuesday through Friday I have dates and then I am on hiatus. My son will have completed his first week of school and that requires a completely different schedule. We’ll be busy with homework and early bedtimes. This week serves as my ‘last hurrah’ until my schedule reverts back to its normal seclusion. Thank God. Maybe if I didn’t have children I could handle the chaos but I’m the tired Mommy with a full time job and a passion for writing. I’ll have to pull a Rip Van Winkle these next few months to compensate for the past few weeks.
Would you believe that my dating frenzy evokes feelings of guilt? I know I am doing nothing wrong– I can truthfully assert that I have not lead anyone on– come October I’ll analyze and inform people exactly where I stand. From day one I’ve been honest about my intentions. Male suitors know I don’t want a relationship right now and I’m not exclusive with anybody. Yet at the risk of sounding like an arrogant beeyotch, I’m also aware that several of these folks like me like that. And that makes me feel crappy because I can’t ‘pick’ everyone regardless of how awesome everyone is. Maybe I should start a feminist, polygamist colony starring myself. 😉
Several amusing stories happened recently. While exchanging texts with a new person he asked me to clarify something I previously said. Upon doing so he said he was relieved because he was starting to “lose interest.” Well boo hoo. I think that’s where I differ from most people on the site– I’m not trying to solicit interest or approval. If something I say rubs you the wrong way then we’re not compatible and I won’t be losing any sleep over it.
Another person told me I was “high maintenance.” His reason for this assessment? I refused to give him my phone number or let him take me on a date. He demanded to know why so I replied with my typical response about being uncomfortable taking the next step until I got to know somebody on the computer, with messages and conversation. Apparently talking before you date is too high maintenance. And be careful about that dating! One guy asked me what I was doing and I answered that I had just gotten home from a date. “I get the hint that you aren’t interested and I’m sorry I missed my chance” said he. Say again? It’s a DATING website. Does this fella think I’ll start designing my engagement ring after spending an hour with somebody who was previously a stranger? Not quite.
It’s time for B, whom I saw briefly two days ago, to receive a special mention. He knows why. I appreciate the messages he sent me on le website and can say he’s one of the few I’ve actually contacted outside of my terms. When he gave me his number I felt as though I didn’t know him well enough but I decided to chance it– and I’m glad I did. B is a dynamic repair solutions engineer and automotive investment strategist. In layman’s terms that has something to do with cars. We plan to have an official date soon so I’ll keep you in the loop, dear readers.
Worth noting is the fact that I spoke on the phone with M several nights ago for almost an hour. The evolution of our friendship is something I appreciate: messages on the dating website, then emails, texting, the phone call, and a date on the horizon. At this point in my life I’m a firm believer that you should round the bases before you slide into home [and I mean that in a variety of contexts], so I appreciate the sequence. I’ve done the number exchange with all but one or two persons of interest. Some folks I’m wishing I could remember– though I’ll stop short of actually scrolling through old messages– such as the Harley guy and the journalist. C’est la vie.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,