First dating update

48 hours into the online dating world and I’ve already found my next future ex-husband!  I kid, I kid.  Thus far it’s been relatively uneventful though I have already discovered a major pet peeve and a mild annoyance.  My headline says “Read my profile first.”  So it’s not exactly the best display of my dazzling wit and irresistible charm, but I actually spent some time writing a few paragraphs [versus the 3-5 sentences most people have] for my profile.  It gives a succinct overview of me, where I am in my life, and what I look for in people.  And I find it extremely annoying when somebody messages me without reading it.  Bonus points for those who ask questions or make comments showing their knowledge of The Profile.

Some ladies appreciate being told they are beautiful.  I’m not one of them.  Granted, it can be very nice and I’ll appreciate it in certain contexts…but not your opening statement.  If you’re referencing my looks the first time you message me then I’m already skeptical.  Had you read The Profile you’d know that there’s lots more to discuss.  The most beautiful thing about me is my brain and you’ve never seen that if you’ve never spoken to me.

Even worse is being called ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart’ by someone I’ve never met.  Cue major eye roll.

yesssHow have the prospects been?  Worth noting is the fact that I do not search for people or browse through profiles.  Dude should make first contact.  No, this isn’t some antiquated ‘let him come to you’ notion.  Anyone who knows me offline can attest to the fact that there isn’t an old-fashioned bone in my sometimes-too-blunt and feminist-y body.  I just don’t have the time to put on my detective hat to wear to the internet dating party.  Could I be missing out on Mr. Right?  Possibly.  Am I losing any sleep over this or willing to change my approach?  Negative.

Because I am Sloane, this is where I throw in a contradiction to the previous two paragraphs.  A photo of an aesthetically pleasing male popped up on my home screen.  Captivated by that handsome face I decided to click on that handsome face and read his profile.  We both love punk music so I sent him a message about that.  Had there been no common ground or interesting conversation points I would have gazed lovingly at my screen a few seconds longer….and moved right along.

I cannot help but marvel over the fact that total strangers feel comfortable giving me their phone numbers.  Texting detracts from the ‘significance’ of using the phone, I get that.  Most people giving or wanting those ten magical digits are doing so for some SMS action as opposed to hearing my Southern drawl make painfully awkward small talk.  But my phone number is a direct line to me!  If I wouldn’t give it to strangers on the street I certainly won’t give it to strangers on the internet.  Let’s establish a friendship online first and see what happens.

byeGenerally speaking if somebody takes the time to message me [and it says something other than ‘hey baby’ or ‘wuz up’] I will respond.  Some conversations have been better than others.  A few people have me intrigued.  There are some who I think could be fun to know– potential friends if the chemistry’s not there or we don’t mesh well in person.

This guy was not deterred from messaging me on the dating website.  I deleted it without reading.  What part of being blocked from my phone and Facebook gives somebody the impression I’m wanting to talk?  Here’s to hoping these aren’t the first inklings of a stalker.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,




About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
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