How NOT to behave post-breakup

Getting dumped sucks.  Many a night I’ve spent sobbing into my pillow, plotting revenge fantasies [that never leave my head], or drinking plenty of wine for me and the boyfriend that once was.  I have enough firsthand experience in this department to unequivocally declare that breaking up is hard to do.  Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end those exit strategies are never easy.  Life’s too short to waste even a second being unhappy in a relationship and it’s completely unfair to string another person along.  Yet even when I know parting ways is the best for both people involved, I still feel like a lousy human being when I’m the one who has to deliver the news of an involuntary termination.

Now that we’ve gotten my politically correct disclaimer out of the way.

Do I have some sort of magnet that attracts psychos?!  It only took me a decade but I finally bid adios to the era of losers, bad boys, and bad boy losers.  Hold the applause.  Apparently now I have ushered in the era of the nice and seemingly mature man….who proceeds to go bat guano crazy upon getting his pink slip. Sigh.  Baby steps. 

I won’t name check anyone here nor do I have to.  Flip to the phrase ‘sore loser’ in the dictionary and you’ll find pictures of several of my exes.  Many moons ago, when I was still an immature lass unschooled in the ways of the world, I talked poorly about lovers past.  Now I’m older and wiser and realize how ridiculous that approach is.  People who bash their former significant others look foolish.  First and foremost, you were probably head over heels….until your ass got dumped.  Get on board the waaambulance if you must but make sure you stay on the high road.  Second, anyone who can spend hours harassing a person desperately needs a life.  Get a hobby.  Volunteer.  Take on additional responsibilities at work.  Do something productive to fill that spare time.  And finally, don’t be a hypocrite.  If you’ve never faulted me for my beauty and brilliance….don’t start after I break up with you.  That makes you look like a whiny sour puss.  John McEnroe called, he wants his bad attitude back.

How a person behaves post-breakup speaks volumes about their character.  I know it may be childish– and it definitely constitutes ‘playing games’– but I think I’m going to start dumping people several weeks or months into a relationship to see how they respond. Can we create a national database where neutral third party observers speak candidly about somebody’s dumpee behavior?

Unwanted contact is harassment.  Continuous harassment is stalking.  Don’t be a stalker.  You can and will go to jail for that.  Quite frankly, if I have to block somebody from my computer and phone, it’s gone too far.  I have zero tolerance for invasive, obsessive behavior.  When I’m done– I’m done.  “Leave me alone” means precisely that.  If I’ve removed you from my life I don’t think about you and I don’t talk about you.  Is this too difficult to comprehend?  Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Last night after I dumped Homeboy he exhibited the typical wounded behavior, which is to be expected.  Truth be told I was disappointed because I would have expected much more from him.  When he left hateful comments on every single picture and/or status I was tagged in on his Facebook I felt like it was déjà vu…of my middle school paramours.  Seriously dude, you’re damn near 40.  Act like it.

Worst of all he had the audacity to insult my son shortly before I blocked him.  The nature of his comment will not be repeated because it only glorifies his appalling behavior.  Seriously, who does that?!  Nothing anyone says or does can hurt me.  I survived Family Court.  According to my friend, Samaire– and I agree with her wholeheartedly– “Family Court is the quickest way to eviscerate a human being.”  Insult me all you want, whoever you are, whatever the reason.  But bringing a defenseless 5 year old into the equation?!  Pick on someone your own size.  I’m guessing the comment was supposed to make me fly into a rage.  Au contraire.  75% of me felt a mixture of pity and disgust whereas the other 25% felt sheer relief that I had such an obvious reminder that I made the right decision going my own way.

Now that I’ve purged myself of the negative energy, I can move forward.  While it’s always fun to date casually [who doesn’t love a free meal?] I’m smart enough to know that I don’t want anything serious right now.  I haven’t even been home for four months.  It’s time for me to focus on my kids, myself, and my writing.  Live and learn.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,



About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
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