Six days into 2013


Let us reflect upon my recent history of New Year’s Eve celebrations:

Farewell, 2008 =Adam’s first Auld Lang Syne! Becoming his Mommy made ’08 the absolute best year of my life. The thought of leaving the house didn’t even cross my mind…so I put a pot of chili on the stove and several of my friends made appearances. Relaxed and comfortable; belly full; socializing on my terms with the people of my choosing; family within arms reach; no plans whatsoever; laughter; happy children– the perfect NYE.

Bon voyage, 2009 = Accompanied by two friends, Adam and I took a road trip and went south. Our trip to Hahira, GA was incredible. It also proved that my almost two year old is a top notch traveler who loves new faces and the adventures that accompany them. Bonfires and swamps, a spaghetti eatin’ sheriff, getting my tattoo for Sean Krause in Valdosta, and a group of folks I’ll never forget. Just like the shirt says: “What happens in Hahira stays in Hahira.” 😉

Au revoir, 2010 =My fabulous gay friend invited me [and my very heterosexual date] to a soirée at the Memphis Botanic Gardens. Leaving Adam in the care of Bapa & Gigi [a pretty easy gig considering he was sound asleep for the duration of the evening] I sashayed out the door with Mr. Hetero to our invite-only bash. The champagne flowed freely, the decor was fabulous and the menfolk actually danced. Gay men, at least most of the ones I know, can throw one hell of a party.

Adios, 2011 =With my left hand on my third trimester belly and my right holding a wine glass filled with sparkling cider, I sat alone in my apartment in Paso Robles. My gaze alternated between my Christmas tree– fully decorated and still standing– and Times Square on my television. Spending your first holiday season in an unfamiliar new city can be very isolating. Being pregnant during the Christmas cheer guarantees unpredictable hormones and a plethora of negative thoughts. Experiencing the anguish of a completely silent house with wrapped presents that have never been seen, much less touched, because your only child was removed from your custody due to the court’s allegation of being an ‘unfit’ mother– and has now spent two holidays away from you as the year changes. Now imagine all of those simultaneously. Never in all my years of living have I felt so alone. I am thankful my mind allowed me to block the vast majority of this devastating, childless NYE.

Good riddance, 2012 = Radiant sunshine burst through the ominous clouds with the birth of a happy, healthy Tatum. My miracle pregnancy sustained me throughout the darkest days of my existence with her gentle glow. If not for the light at the end of the tunnel– the reassuring beacon of hope and it’s promise of better days to come– there is no doubt I would have been helplessly lost [at best] if not completely crippled [at worst] by the debilitating darkness…
Relief flooded me as I held my daughter for the first time– she was safe. How could I wish to permanently strike this year from the record when I was fortunate enough to receive one of the two greatest blessings of my entire existence? For NYE I returned to Atascadero humbled, opting to focus that the end finally seems to be in site. D and I were up in our humble abode on the mountain when the clock struck midnight. I’m ready for this.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,


About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
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2 Responses to Six days into 2013

  1. Stephanie L says:


    I just happened to come across this site while doing a google search on a mutual friend of ours, Sean Krause. My name is Stephanie and Sean was my first love and I was his. We lived together for a number of years and remained very close until his death (even after, he still visits me from time to time). I guess I was just wondering what your tattoo in honor of Sean looks like. Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk. Thanks

    • Stephanie,

      It brings me comfort to know that you were a part of Sean’s life. I’m glad you found my blog and took the time to comment. Forgive me for taking so long to respond– things have been pretty hectic on my end– and I will respond to your question about my tattoo in a blog post. If you don’t mind me asking, will you tell me more about Sean visiting you? Please feel free to email [] or contact me on Facebook to discuss in a more private manner.

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