Depression struck me hard tonight. Along with emptiness, stress, anger, helplessness, and frustration it’s one of my constant companions– yet sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. The only way I know how to combat this overwhelming sadness is by talking to friends and looking at pictures of Adam. Because those closest to me feel the same emotions I do about the situation, it usually turns into both of us expressing our outrage and grief, which oftentimes ends up hurting more than helping. It’s strangely comforting to know that there are others who are heartbroken [I know I sound like I’m contradicting myself here] for my son…but I find myself increasingly alone– by choice– with my memories and these cherished photos.
Adam’s first birthday party was so much fun. My mom ordered him a customized birthday onesie [isn’t that totally Gigi?] and all of my Memphis family was there as were some of my dearest friends. There was face painting, a circus tent, balloons galore, and a gorgeous cake. Try as we might nobody could get Adam to eat his cake. How much he’s grown since then. To think he’ll be FOUR next month, it boggles my mind. My brave, strong boy. I love him so.
11 days until Tatum arrives. ❤
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,