What is THIS?!


So I originally planned to write about my relaxing day, spent at the job I love while my little man enjoyed school.  I wanted nothing more than to chronicle the mundane– yet delightful– aspects of my [what I hope] typical Wednesday.  Scrolling through my phone for pictures to give you a visual I completely forgot I had captured THE THING.

As I locked up the office something strange caught my eye on the ground.  Was it a giant leaf?  Some sort of plastic?  A fake bug somebody dropped out of their Halloween bucket?  Upon closer examination I discovered it was a very real bug and very alive.

I’m a huge coward when it comes to spiders indoors but arachnids don’t bother me outside nor am I squeamish about insects in general….but this was like a new superspecies of nasty.  The picture doesn’t do it justice.  This grotesque alien-like bundle of disgusting needed its own zip code and had some sort of external shell almost like a crustascean.  Major no bueno.

….but like a train wreck I simply couldn’t look away.  And I felt compelled to document my strange finding.  It appeared to be missing a leg and have part of its side wedged in between the bricks.  I squatted down as close as I dared and snapped the money shot.  Whether it was the phone looming large on his horizon or the sound of the camera or both, homeboy got mad.  He started shaking his tail area like he was trying to sting me and I just knew he wanted to kill me.  He was always gross but now he was evil and gross and wanted to spear me or whatever methods of torture he had at his disposal.  I bolted out of there, waddling as fast as possible hoping he wasn’t flying after me or sending more of his kind, and sought shelter at my bank until I felt safe.

Hyberpole aside, does anyone know what the heck that thing is?  I don’t ever want to see it again.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,



About Cocktails With Hemingway

I'm blunt and opinionated. Virtually everything I say or do is a contradiction but I'm not a hypocrite. I never hesitate to speak my mind and never fail to leave an impression wherever I go. You love me, you hate me, but you'll never forget me.
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1 Response to What is THIS?!

  1. liv blow says:

    Todd says crab and i say evil stingy scorpion spider. I am VERY afraid of all insects. /freakout

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