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Thirty one years ago…on this very day…something miraculous happened…

I was born!!

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My best friend and Soul Sister, Maris, made this birthday collage for me.

What a wonderful birthday it was.  Joey woke me with an early morning call and then I discovered the dozens of comments on Facebook acknowledging my special day.  I was grinning from ear to ear before I even got out of bed.  Because everyone else slept late I went downstairs, drank an ungodly amount of coffee, cranked the rap music, and danced around the kitchen shaking my tailfeather.  Then I took a bubble bath and read Cosmo.  It was glorious.

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My son’s adorable homemade card.

The only festivities on our agenda were a family dinner at Macaroni Grill and a trip to Barnes & Noble.  I stuffed my face and got five magazines.  Win.  I so appreciate all of the calls, texts, messages, and comments I received from my friends.  It is not lost on me how lucky I am to have such incredible people in my life– and how lucky I am to be moving into my third decade.  How grateful I am.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Posted in Adam, Birthdays, Jojo Dancer, Maris- my soul sister, Restaurants, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funnies

So my last post was kind of heavy.  Let’s lighten it up a bit.  Here are some memes that made me giggle:

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With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Relapse

 

I relapsed. Because I went against my better judgment and placed myself in a precarious situation I started drinking the night before work.  Guess who couldn’t be bothered to attend the next day?  No call, no show, nothing.  I just kept right on hitting the bottle.  Mind you this was a dream job of mine that I absolutely adored.  Once the booze wore off I realized the magnitude of what I’d done by screwing this up….so I drank and drank and drank.

Shortly thereafter I went to a treatment facility.  After spending approximately a month there I left voluntarily– without going into specifics I’ll say there was a situation there that didn’t sit well with me.  I had no plans whatsoever to drink and was heading towards a safe place.  En route I unexpectedly ran into some old friends and it was off to the races.

The next few weeks were so unspeakably horrific I’m not even going to discuss them.  I want to shield my family from the gory details so I’m saving it for the rooms of recovery.  It’s a miracle I’m alive and we’ll leave it at that.

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Why am I so open about my struggles?  I’m sure there are some who would rather me not be so candid and I understand their apprehension.  Every addict or alcoholic has the right to chose how much or how little they divulge about their condition.  It’s a highly personal choice.  Yet I refuse to stay quiet because that would imply shame.  There’s nothing wrong or shameful about me.  I’m not a bad person.  I’m a sick person.  And I think it’s crucial to see that even the sickest people can manage their illness.  People who take steps to fix their problems should be commended.

Addiction is an epidemic.  It’s ruining– and ending– lives and destroying families.  We’re not doing enough as a society to combat this insidious beast.  It’s time to shatter the stigma associated with those affected by alcohol and drugs.  I don’t have any easy answers.  But my sincerest hope is that if I share my story perhaps one person feels a little less alone.  Maybe somebody finds the inspiration they need to get help.  Or maybe an alcoholic’s parent will have a better understanding of the disease that has sucked the soul out their child.  This is my way of taking control of my recovery and telling the monster it won’t win.

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My story’s far from over…but this chapter’s a wonderful one.  I’m happily back home with my family.  I’m clean and sober.  I’m giving my recovery 110% and working my program.  Even though it is not in my best interests to work outside of the home at this point I still have an income thanks to my business and writing.  I have dreams and goals and plans.  Life is good.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

 

 

Posted in Addiction, Family, Recovery, Working It, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Home

Apparently my domain name expired during my absence.  I remedied the situation and we will resume regular blogging shortly.  Let’s just say we have much to discuss.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

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Joey

My beloved finally came home. 

One day.  That’s precisely how long we lasted before beer entered the equation.  Just 24 hours and it was off to the races.  How the hell did it even happen?  This wasn’t the plan– far from it.  Neither one of us is to blame yet we are both at fault.  I felt so helpless as I watched things spiral out of control, descending into madness.  Cunning.  Baffling.  Powerful.

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Reunited at last

How I managed to slam on the brakes before derailing completely can only be attributed to a power greater than myself.  A temporary bout of insanity reaffirmed my commitment to sobriety.  I picked up a white chip, accepted the bump in the road, and forged ahead on my journey.  Yet he chose a different path.

His story is not mine to tell.  But it is no secret he struggles so I don’t feel as though I am violating his privacy or dropping a potentially damaging bombshell.  It hurts seeing the man I love so deeply in such crisis.  He’s a good person with a bad sickness.

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Given the precariousness of my own situation I cannot risk being around him.  We parted ways.  I mean that in physical sense…emotionally we’re on hiatus.  I refuse to drag myself down to save somebody else.  Nobody or nothing will jeopardize my sobriety.  I will fight for it tooth and nail because it is literally a life or death situation for me.

Every ounce of my being hopes this separation does not become permanent.  I know he has lost the power of choice with his alcoholism– but help awaits if and when he chooses to receive it.  There is nothing I want more than for us to live our lives together, sober and happy, just as we planned.  We’ve done it before.  We can do it again.

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I want my best friend back.

My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest.  I’m a fish out of water.  And those are very mild descriptions.  It’s almost too painful to discuss.  So I’m living in a state of denial and pretending this isn’t happening.  Which is exactly what I need to do until I am better equipped to deal with this situation.

Do not be so ignorant and offensive as to insult the man I love or give me any variation of ‘I told you so.’  Pray for him.  Keep him and all the other sick and suffering individuals in your thoughts.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Posted in Addiction, Changes, Grief, Highest Self, Jojo Dancer, Love, Raleigh, Recovery, Relationships | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Birthday/Easter

As luck would have it Adam’s birthday was the Saturday before Easter, hence the combined themes.

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The annual bunny shot

I cannot believe this time eight years ago I was at the hospital holding my first born child.  Every day since the moment he was born he’s made me happy and proud to be his mother.  So many people love my little man.

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So this is what it feels like to be eight…

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The camera doesn’t even begin to do his Minecraft cake justice.

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Cousins

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Real bunnies

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Their baskets

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Easter Day

In case anyone was wondering Adam’s birthday cake did not catch on fire.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

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Mondays with Maris

Lillie May Fenley, the beloved grandmother of Maris, was laid to rest yesterday morning.  I hate that a funeral was the cause of her trip but savored every second of the time spent with the McLoskey family.  It’s only been a few weeks since I last saw my soul sister– but slightly over a year since her husband and my godkids were included in that mix– so I appreciated getting the package deal.

After we took the twins to the park John decided he was past due for the MVP treatment at Sports Clips.  But apparently our team captain didn’t want to leave the bench because he accidentally left the keys in the car.  Oops.

Huge thanks to the cashier at Marco’s Pizza who was kind enough to comp our frazzled delegation with an order of cheesy bread.  He made an irritating situation much more tolerable– and the bread was fantastic.  We were so impressed we ended up buying additional pizza.  I’ll definitely be giving rave reviews on my receipt survey which is my pleasure to compete.

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Laughing and chatting over a meal with my favorite people on the planet reminded me of the good ole’ days, when Maris still lived here, and specifically the Collierville house.  I took for granted the ability to see her on an almost daily basis.  Not only did we work together for many years but our time off the clock was spent attached at the hip as well.  I struggle with her absence.  A big chunk of my heart, happiness, and sanity now resides in Spring Hill.

A friendship like the one Maris and I share is all a person needs.  I count my blessings that I am able to connect with another human being as we do.  Maris, you are so loved.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Posted in * R. i. P. *, Da Real Homiez, Family, Maris- my soul sister, Tennessee | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment