October marks the beginning of fall, my favorite season. Despite the welcome changes of autumn it is a month of great sorrow for me. Jacob and Ashley passed three years apart. It is only recently I began to understand– and make peace with– the struggles of my former housemate. His loss completely disoriented me. Her illness only added to my daze. She was the first that I lost to cancer. Such an arbitrary killer, the C-word strikes indiscriminately, and it’s beyond unfair. I’ll never understand why otherwise healthy people lose their lives from being sick. I pray that my friends found the peace that evaded them in life.
October 13th is my sixth wedding anniversary. Mazel tov! I haven’t the slightest clue where my ‘husband’ is but I do know our divorce is pending. Regardless of everything that has happened…the fact that I am no longer married is depressing on a certain level. Nobody wants to exchange vows knowing their holy matrimony will be kaput long before any seven year itch. However, I am eternally grateful to Will for giving me two children that transcend our failed union. Without him [and, uh, his DNA] I would never be a mother and not a day goes by where I don’t appreciate the precious gifts he gave me.
Reconnecting with an old friend, Jason, helped me out of my October funk. He popped up on the ‘people you may know’ feature on Facebook. It made my day! Once upon a time I [jokingly] asked him to marry me at Metro. I was barely 18 but he giggled and said: “We shouldn’t.” And then I dumped the contents of my purse on the floor. What crazy lives we lived. You cannot be old and wise without first being young and crazy. In which case I am geriatric a thousand times over with Buddha-like wisdom.
In the immortal words of the Kottonmouth Kings: Life Rolls On. After Halloween comes November, which is even worse than October. Can we just strike October through December off the calendar entirely? I’ll get through it as I always do but emotionally this season takes quite the toll on me. Bring on January and the new year.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,