Sacramento Failed Matthew Hernandez

19 Mar 2013 1 Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in * R. i. P. *, Activism, Anger, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Child Abuse, Controversy, Crime, Criminals, Domestic Violence, Drugs, Fail, Frustration, Gestapo, Grief, Injustice, Legal, Legal issues, Outrage, Parenting, Poor Decisions, Upset Tags: , , ,

What sort of despicable creature kills their son in cold blood with a hatchet? Only a monster– pure evil that is incomprehensible to the rest of us– could murder their own child.

Matthew Hernandez

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Monsters exist everywhere. No part of the world escapes heinous acts from the vilest of criminals. The gruesome end to 9 year old Matthew’s life is a tragedy, one that could have happened anywhere, in any region or country. Killer Philip Hernandez could have been a resident of Delaware or Texas or North Dakota, anywhere besides California. Yet as grieving mother Jessica Hernandez will tell you….the state of California does not always act in the best interests of its most vulnerable population.

Cases such as Jessica’s are the extreme, but her allegations [evidence blatantly ignored in the courtroom, denial of basic rights, various forms of discrimination, etc.] echo throughout the state, a common denominator amongst far too many cases. Between Family Court, Child ‘Welfare’ Services, and the foster care system– something is very wrong here.

Jessica Hernandez and her two sons
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The undeniable truth: Sacramento courts failed Jessica Hernandez and her son– at the cost of the young boy’s life. A judge chose to disregard crucial information and that irresponsible decision cost a family dearly. She’s not the first judge to do so. Nor will she be the last. To whom are these authority figures judges, social workers, civil servants answering? Other than contesting a verdict via the appeals process, what choice does one have when they know something is wrong? Why must children suffer at the hands of adults supposedly entrusted with their protection?

REFORM AMONGST THE FAMILY LAW COURTS, CWS, AND FOSTER CARE IS IMPERATIVE– THE NEED IS URGENT AND THE TIME IS NOW.

End. In. Sight.

01 Mar 2013 1 Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Court, Faith, Family, Justice, Legal issues, Miracles, Tatum, Unconventional Parenting

ADAM IS GOING HOME.
The end is in sight. But it’s not over yet.

Our prayers were answered with the news from court last week. CWS and the Judge ruled in favor of Adam’s return to Memphis. He can finally see– for the first time– the little sister he’s been desperate to meet!

Here on the central coast of California the day centered around the Family Court verdict. Meanwhile, 2000 miles east in Collierville, Tennessee….

A cake was placed in front of Tatum who wasted no time getting messy. Her adoring fans clapped and sang happy birthday. Amid a backdrop of pink feathers, frills, and girly decor my daughter experienced first birthday party.

Party photos coming within 24 hours. Questions will be answered and additional information will be provided soon. Daily posts shall resume early next week.
+ Always feel free to contact me via email:
sloanewreed@gmail.com

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Happy birthday, Tatum!

21 Feb 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Court, Motherhood, Tatum

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Spending time with Adam was the best part of Tatum’s birthday. We met at McDonald’s for dinner. Nita was kind enough to make the video you see below– our happy birthday to sister.

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Adam made some silly faces to go along with his card and present for Tatum.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Hole In My Soul

14 Feb 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, California, Family, Grief, Holidays, Homesick, Injustice, Legal issues, Motherhood, Tatum

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I cannot make another holiday card for our separated family.

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Exactly one week from today Tatum celebrates her first year of life.
One year old..
I cannot be with my baby girl for her birthday. The following morning marks another appearance in Family Court. Why?

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Dread

24 Jan 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Anxiety, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Court, Heartbreak, Legal issues, Motherhood, Politics, Stress, Unconventional Parenting, Upset

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How can you look at these faces and not smile?

Tomorrow marks my first appearance in Family Court since the spring of last year. CWS presents their final recommendation for Adam’s custody and placement. Your prayers and support make all the difference.

Let my children and their best interests prevail….bring Adam home.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

“Mrs. Reed is in Tennessee….”

26 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Court, Legal issues

Tatum leaves the hospital in style

February 22, 2o12:

Confined to my hospital bed receiving intravenous Dilaudid [pain management] and Macrobid [UTI antibiotic], I notice Tatum smacking her lips.  Bottle time.  I weakly push the call button for my nurse.  My range of motion is so severely limited I can not give my daughter a bottle, change her diaper, or even pick her up without assistance.  Even the smallest of movements is torture.  Never in my life have I been in so much pain.

And then its time for me to phone into the courthouse in San Luis Obispo!

[[ Sidenote:  The purpose of today's 'hearing' involves my legal representation.  My attorney is no longer licensed in the state of California (people who know him read this blog and it's not my place to disclose his business here) so CPS immediately scheduled a court date.  Heaven forbid I raise a ruckus claiming I was not adequately represented and do something silly like a lawsuit or a state appeal. ]]

I was told to monitor my phone between 1:30-3pm….meaning 3:30 to 5:00pm in my time zone.  Come 4:55 the phone rings.  It is my social worker and she’s calling to inform me that they are walking into the courtroom now and they’ll call when they get settled.  She didn’t want me to ‘not answer’ since it was ‘the end of the day.’  I made a poor attempt of suppressing a giggle.  Never once has she asked me directly if I left– though she’s certainly been fishing through information through my [former] attorney– and I think it’s very telling of the situation that she continues to drop these snide little inferences without ever asking me point blank.

A few minutes later they call back from the courtroom.  Because I do not have a new attorney appointed, they are quick to assign me one.  I don’t dispute this because I know it is only temporary.  Through her I’ll have to formally drop the March appeal and she’ll be my representation until I find the lawyer of my choosing.  It is worth noting that I’m not dropping the appeal because I agree with any decisions made thus far– but because the exact same judge and all the familiar faces will be hearing the information.  They’ve already made up their minds.  No fresh sets of ears listening to new information and making unbiased judgements.

The judge asked when I was available to physically make an appearance in court.  I informed her that I had just had a major surgical procedure and it was impossible to determine an exact date at this time.  At this point the CPS attorney interjects with this lovely gem:  “Your honor, Mrs. Reed is in Tennessee where she gave birth.”  While this is certainly true, I still find it humorous that nobody from the CPS camp has asked me this.  I could have changed my plans from the last time I spoke with my [former] attorney.  Maybe not everything I write on this blog is true.  The possibilities are endless….and it speaks volumes about the way things operate in Family Court that this information can be introduced in such a fashion.

Despite my immense pain I could not help but grin.  Nobody challenged my decision to leave.  How could they?  I did absolutely nothing wrong and protected my daughter.  Tatum Maris Reed will NOT be the latest foster child in San Luis Obispo County.  My precious baby is safe in Memphis where the state of Tennessee has jurisdiction over her.  The judge asked how Tatum was doing and I could honestly say:  “She’s healthy, happy, and safe.” 

Today’s hearing was adjourned with the decision to give my court-appointed attorney my information for her to contact me and appear on my behalf to formally drop the March date. 

"You mean I can leave here today?!'

February 23, 2012:

Because of the irritation caused by the UTI my doctor said I could remove my catheter this morning.  Thank God.

If Tatum passes the final series of tests [negative bacteria culture, hearing, jaundice, comprehensive labs, etc.], she’ll be allowed to leave.  She passes with flying colors.

Nurse M says as soon as I can move around the room unassisted then I can go too.  Recognizing our departure as a family is contingent on me and me alone….I somehow find the strength to waddle from point A to point B, crying and cursing every step of the way.  Every second spent in a hospital is a second detracted from our precious family time.

Mommy and Tatum leave The Med around 6pm to spend some quality time with Bapa and Gigi.  <3

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Anxiety

11 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Anxiety, Court, Lookin' snazzy, Mental Illness

Would you believe that two of the best Account Executives in Germantown both suffer from anxiety? 7/09

Having panic attacks and an anxiety disorder isn’t something I can magically make you understand.  No matter how vivid and detailed my descriptions, regardless of what I copy and paste from medical websites….you can only relate so much unless it’s happened to you.  And there’s a very good chance that it has because anxiety and panic disorders affect an estimated 2.4 million Americans and they are twice as common in women.  If you’re interested in reading more, WebMD offers a good starting point, but remember that there are many types of anxiety disorders and not everyone exhibits all symptoms listed on that page.

I’m terrified that Adam has post-traumatic stress disorder or will suffer complications later in life as a result of PTSD.  While I have not been diagnosed officially I’m almost certain I have it too.  The nightmares happen almost daily:  Adam getting snatched from me while we’re out in public, him being removed from school, CPS swarming the hospital while I give birth, etc.  It’s challenging enough having ‘regular’ anxiety– now this?

The purpose of my post is to give you an example of a situation where I got anxious and it led to a panic attack.  Of course in doing so it presents the risk of working myself into a frenzy, so I’m purposely sticking with a more minor issue as to maintain my relatively calm state.

[[ Note:  Perhaps 'minor issue' isn't the right phrase-- what I mean is something that previously wouldn't have bothered me before November 17th.  Additionally, it's easier to revisit an incident like the one below versus something that happened, say, in the courtroom.  ]]

With that being said, let me give you some background into how I view dressing and physical appearance so you can better see why this incident is atypical for me:  I honor and appreciate the importance of dressing appropriately for the circumstance [i.e. wearing black to a funeral, business professional for a job interview, a cocktail dress for a formal wedding, etc.] but in my down time I have to be comfortable at all costs.  Jeans and tee shirts comprise the backbone of my style.  Time is too valuable to waste spending an hour in front of a mirror with a flat iron so I usually just throw my hair in a ponytail and call it a day.  With the exception of eye makeup [and sometimes I'll even go without that] I don’t wear anything on my face.  I’m guilty of making a WalMart run in my pajamas.  I’m never going to hide from the friend with the camera because I ‘look terrible.’  I’m not going to be mortified for the rest of the day when I run into somebody looking less than my best.  This is not to suggest that I don’t care about my appearance….it’s just that I must be comfortable [I'm a busy single mother who is constantly on the move] and have better ways to spend my day than primping.  My hair and clothes are clean, teefies are brushed, I wear deodorant and other things that smell good, and I’m confident enough in myself that I don’t have to be dressed to the nines all the time.  Give me five minutes and I’m out the door.  Does that make sense?

Kelsey and Rachael-- two girls who have known me and loved me since middle school-- posing with me at Adam's baby shower in December '07. Both have a very calming effect on me.

On that fateful morning in November before our first court appearance, I slipped into my dress and zipped up my black boots.  I knew my dress was more than appropriate [long sleeves, high neckline, modest hem, not form fitting] but what about my shoes?  They had heels.  Can a pregnant woman wear heels?  Will they think I’m endangering my fetus by wearing heels and risking a fall?  And my knees were exposed.  The end of my dress was just above my knee whereas the boots ended right below my knee.  Should I have gotten a pair of tights so I wasn’t showing bare skin?  I was starting to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I decided to move onto my face and applied green eyeshadow [as I often do because my eyes are hazel.  Green!  Was it too over the top?  Too festive?  Would they think I was enjoying myself during these past few hellish days?  Then the mascara on my left eye clumped so I tried to fix it myself and even it out by adding more to the right eye.  Did my spidery lashes make me look like a prostitute?  Would they think I was a creature of the night?  At this point I had to stop and vomit and was getting dizzy.  I was just going to have to fix my hair and try and make do with the rest of it.  What was I going to do with my hair?!  The top third of my hair was dirty blonde/light brown and the bottom two thirds black.  What kind of message would it send to the court if I didn't have hair that was the same color?  If my hair was inadequate would they think that I didn't attend to Adam's hair properly?  By now I could hear my chest pounding and was convinced that a heart attack was imminent.  I wet my hair [so it all looked dark] and put it in a sleek ponytail.  Was a ponytail too casual?  I slumped down on my bathroom floor with my back against the wall and was in a trance….until I snapped out of it half an hour later when my phone rang.

All of this prior to COURT ABOUT MY SON.  Not a fashion show.  So much was at stake here [or so I thought back when I naively believed that the system was fair and this would all be resolved soon] and I just squandered the past 30 minutes of my life being a slave to a panic attack.  Let me reiterate that this is a very ‘mild’ example of something to cause a panic attack but hopefully it provides some sort of insight.

It is definitely worth noting that all of my depression, anxiety, and panic attacks have multiplied exponentially since 11/17/11.  Though I’ve always struggled with these things, they have NEVER interfered with my ability to care for Adam, or been so devastating as they are now.  I know unequivocally that once Adam and I are reunited, we’ll get our lives back.  My mental health will improve exponentially.  When my CPS worker grilled me about the panic attack I had that required hospitalization– pulling the ‘What would you do if Adam saw that?’ card– I could not believe it.  That was the first and only panic attack I’d ever had that required hospitalization.  Adam was not in my care at that time and did not witness it.  And, uh, maybe– I’m willing to go out on a limb here– had he not been stolen from me I sincerely doubt I would have been in such extreme distress. 

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  Having any sort of negative reaction towards your child being removed from your care makes you “hysterical” and “emotionally unstable” yet when I spoke to the worker the following day and tried my hardest to be composed, stoic, and answer her questions as succinctly as possible without trying to explain myself I was deemed “detached” and “uninterested in Adam [actual words used in my report].”  I give up.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

A bad ‘partnership’

30 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment

DISCLAIMER:  This post is not one to mince words.  Read at your own risk.

The infamous brochure

On November 22nd my attorney and I made the first of our many court appearances:  to contest a Juvenile Dependency Petition.  Prior to this horrific afternoon my only exposure to the number ’300′ was a gladiator movie released several years ago.  Mr. Attorney warned me it would not be pleasant– we’d each receive a packet detailing my offenses several minutes before setting foot into the courtroom– and I honestly cannot express the anguish in words.  Said packet more closely resembled an encyclopedia than a collection of documents and it was the most biased, factually inaccurate, and damning material I’ve ever seen in my life.  It was as if [forgive this terrible analogy] I received notification that my parents, Maris, and Danielle were on a plane….that crashed with zero survivors.  The floor dropped out from beneath me.  I’ll be physically sick if I discuss it anymore.

The ‘Parent Partner’

My only reasoning for mentioning the absolute worst day of my life is to share with you a rather interesting exchange.  Despite our arrival over half an hour early– and the fact that we were sitting in a very visible spot– nobody [with the exception of the clerk who handed us our respective packets] ever approached us.  Yet the moment Mr. Attorney steps into the restroom, a woman materializes from thin air and takes a seat next to me.  She introduced herself, gave me her card and brochure, and sympathetically told me that she’s been in my position and knew what I was going through.  Immediately the warning signs started flashing in my head as her information clearly stated that she was a ‘Parent Partner’ WITH Child Welfare Services.  What a relief!  So you’re not the Gestapo but you still take orders from the SS, fair enough.  I politely engaged her in conversation knowing that Mr. Attorney would be very interested in our discussion upon his return.  He immediately asked who she was and received the card and pamphlet as well.  While I didn’t openly deny her services it was apparent I wouldn’t be putting her on speed dial.  She disappeared.  We took note of the organization after the ‘with’ on her brochure and he reminded me that this person was not my friend and I was to never contact her.

Our 300 petition in San Luis Obispo was conveniently scheduled at the same exact time as the hearing for my temporary restraining order in Paso Robles– even though CPS had known for days we were on the docket for the TRO [there was proof of service from both Will and CPS]– so we immediately returned to my neck of the woods after scheduling a hearing in juvenile court.  Imagine my surprise when I see my potential ‘partner’ waltz in….with Will.   Did I miss something?  Not only did she actually accompany him to court but she tried to speak on his behalf as if she was his attorney.

Why did we ever leave Memphis?

Can we say conflict of interest?

Please enlighten me as to how this works.  She’d obviously made previous arrangements to be Will’s ‘partner’ so how exactly was she hoping to escape the ethical conundrum associated with being a ‘partner’ to us both?  We’re not a happily married couple acting as a united front to get our child back…he has no problem whatsoever telling blatant lies and to this day he’ll bash me to anyone who will listen.  It is a huge conflict of interest to think that she could represent us both.  What if I’d actually said yes?!  This entire system is so disgusting.  Perhaps that’s why I’m a pariah and Will’s a saint [he's not glorified but they certainly don't mention anything negative about him], because of this spectacular ‘partnership.’  I’m not drinking their Kool Aid.  Let’s take a look at what I would have gained had I agree to these services.

“About Parent Partners – We understand that this is an extremely difficult and overwhelming time in your life.  We are here to help you:“

  • Understanding the process of what is going on  [I'll give them credit on that one-- if I didn't have an attorney I wouldn't have the slightest clue as to what's happening so that's definitely a positive aspect of their group]
  • Help you move forward with the next step  [Is this before or after you report back to the social worker?]
  • Offer resources for services in your community [Again, credit for this one.  Though I would be highly skeptical of any 'services' as it forever ties you to the system]
  • Stand beside you as a mentor and peer  [I'd prefer my mentors to have integrity and professionalism versus being sneaky and operating with the knowledge of an obvious conflict of interest.]
  • Attend meetings with you for support  [Excuse me?!  You can attend a meeting with me but my attorney can't?!?!]
  • Help with transportation to and from meetings or appointments  [To set the stage for more hearsay dialogue?]
  • Connect you to other support groups  [I sincerely doubt there is a support group that could adequately address my issues with this process.  Maybe the Supreme Court?]

I will NEVER stop speaking about my ordeal until somebody investigates it thoroughly and comprehensively…and does the same for all cases.  Maybe one day I’ll even start an organization similar to ‘Parent Partners’ that doesn’t answer to CPS and actually advocates on behalf of parents– and more importantly the best interests of the children afflicted in these situations.

Does anyone recall a little boy named Adam?

Although I just devoted significant space to expressing legal frustrations, I truly feel as though I am one of only a small handful of people who care about Adam’s best interests.  I’ve been told by CPS they don’t care to do any further investigation because they “have their proof” nor do they have any desire to tell Adam why his parents aren’t around, which is just cruel.  I could sit here and write paragraph after paragraph about the injustices against my son….yet I think the examples I use speak loudly and clearly.

Although I was a single mother, we were never alone. Christmas '08

How does Will factor into all of this?

I’ve refrained from speaking of him as much as possible– and I just can’t stay silent anymore.  So many people inquire as to whether or not he makes me angry.  Aside from kicking me and calling me despicable names in front of our son, nothing he has done angered me.  Instead he is a giant disappointment. 

The power to make this nightmare end for our son rested solely in Will’s hands.  What did he do with that tremendous opportunity?  Squandered it.  We could have sent Adam back home to the loving grandparents who helped me raise him.  Yet he’d much rather see his child subjected to the endless loop of the system than to do the right thing.  In his eyes, placement of Adam with my parents is a victory to me meaning a loss for him.  Regardless of anything he says or does from this point forward he has made it abundantly clear his parenting approach.  It’s not an Adam-centric one as mine is….yet one that focuses on Mommy bashing and hoping the rest falls into place.

Will sent an email to our CPS worker.  It speaks volumes and I’ll break it down by sentence:

  • Sloane’s a terrible person.
  • Why is she persecuting me?
  • Please help me stop her from persecuting me!
  • My ‘parent partner’ says Sloane’s a terrible person too.
  • Oh and by the way– first mention of Adam– I’d like to see him more than once a week.
  • I want to be allowed at family functions so technically I can be around Adam but I won’t have to spend time because he’ll be playing in the backyard with his older cousins.
  • The “S.S. has the power to” let me around Adam more.  [Even he knows the role of the Third Reich!]
  • My public defender says Sloane sucks too and needs to be informed that the domestic violence charges will be dropped per “Marcy’s Law”  [Personally I'm going with my Victim Witness advocate who answers directly to the D.A. and says this isn't the case. Furthermore, Marsy's Law: " This measure amends the state constitution and various state laws to (1) expand the legal rights of crime victims and the payment of restitution by criminal offenders, (2) restrict the early release of inmates, and (3) change the procedures for granting and revoking parole" says Wikipedia.  So basically I benefit from this?]
  • Sloane’s an awful mother and human being and you are forgetting this!
  • “I miss my lil dude….and this just sucks.”

I understand that we arrived in California together.  Yet it is an egregious error to assume that Will was anything but an absentee parent with little to no interest in Adam from June ’08-March ’11.  He never paid a dime in child support nor made any attempts to visit his son.  The few times they talked on the phone happened only because I called and begged him to talk to Adam.  What a damn fool I was to think that we could be a ‘happy family.’  I let the idea of a nuclear family with Mommy and Daddy and two children cloud my rational judgement and I will spend the rest of my life regretting this.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Quote by Cocktails With Hemingway

Bedrest, court, and whiny creepers

25 Jan 2012 2 Comments

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Court, Creepers, Legal issues, Obsession [bad], Single mama, The Wee One

Here he was four months. Now my baby is almost four years.

Today marks the first day of my maternity leave and the beginning of my [official] bed rest.  Much to my dismay I didn’t spend my Wednesday sprawled out in bed– on my left side of course– stuffing my face with cheese and red bell peppers while catching up on my Netflix queue.  An early morning call from my attorney necessitated a brief appearance in court.  I drafted a letter to the judge and commenced the pre-court ritual [which consists of meditation, prayer, and dirty rap music] until my chariot arrived at noon.

A pulmonary embolism and/or heart attack doesn’t tickle my fancy this evening so let’s address the legal stuff in ten sentences or less and be done with it:

1)  I was in a bit of hot water for contacting Will via email on multiple occasions. 

[[Sidenote:  My reasons for doing so were to plead with him to sign over his parental rights to my parents so they could adopt Adam and get him out of this system ASAP-- I know I went about this the wrong way, but can you fault a desperate mother willing to do anything to get her child out of harm's way?]]

2)  I was in a lot of hot water for my “uncooperative” attitude.

3)  Some folks don’t like it very much when you openly challenge them, question their policies, and assert yourself so it was determined that I was “not in compliance with my plan” and needed “further treatment.”

4)  My attorney liked my letter but wanted to make sure I knew it would infuriate the powers that be even more….

5)  We submitted it anyway.

6)  It goes without saying we contested the six month progress review and a full hearing has been set for several hours on March 14th.

7)  I may or may not be present at said hearing depending on where I am in the recovery process after giving birth.

8)  This is the opportunity for our expert witnesses to take the stand.

Napping on his beloved Gigi

Adam’s school took a field trip to Pismo Beach to see the monarch butterflies.  What an awesome experience!  I kept the image of him– laughing and squealing with delight from the butterflies– in my mind all day.  Mommy’s trying her  hardest, little man.  May this inspire you in your later years to be a crusader for justice.

Sometimes I find myself completely overwhelmed by my pessimistic attitude….and then I remind myself what a strong and resilient woman I am.  My children are strong and resilient too.  I’ve been a single mother for more than three quarters of Adam’s life and am fully prepared to raise both of my kids with this family structure.  Reminiscing over Adam’s baby photos reminds me that our family is still young and we will overcome.

Some of you may have noticed that my phone was shut off today.  The cellular benefactor informed this morning via email:  “I can’t see your blog, yo.”  To which I responded:  “That’s because it’s privatized, yo.”  Shortly after sending my reply I attempted to call my attorney only to hear an automated voice telling me that my service was suspended.  Maturity at its finest.  Perhaps I should have reminded the fellow that when a blog is private it means nobody can see it….but when a person is that dramatic I doubt it would have mattered much anyway.  Within the next day or so I’ll have a new number so in the meantime call my house if you need me.

A few bullet points to address the situation then it will never be mentioned again:

–  ‘Whiny,’ ‘needy,’ and ‘clingy’ are not words you want describing you as an adult.  Those are words for children.

–  If you wish to give me a gift or offer to pay for something of mine, it should be just that….a gift.  No strings attached.  Threatening to revoke said gift because I remove you from my Facebook is absolutely ridiculous.  Actually revoking said gift because I privatized my blog makes me frightened for you.  With those bad manners and juvenile tantrums, you might not pass kindergarten this year.

–  Unless you’ve been living under a rock these past few months, you’ll know that I have been trapped in a living hell.  My children and my legal situation, respectively, are my priorities.  Did I also mention I have a job that’s very important to me?  Suffice it to say I’m stressed to the max, very busy, depressed, worried, frustrated, and for the most part feeling quite helpless.  All of those aforementioned emotions are quite negative.  If you’re adding to any of them, I don’t want to speak to you, period.  It’s irrelevant whether you’re one of my closest friends or an acquaintance.  My health and sanity comes first and if you’re not helping, I’ll cut you off in a heartbeat.  What kind of selfish and insecure person complains that I don’t give them enough attention and 24/7 access to my world with everything that’s been happening to me?  How dare you?  Get over yourself.

– To all the females who has been offended by said person, I do apologize.  But it’s not my problem anymore so I can’t help you there!

I just spent way too much time dignifying a person who wants nothing more than attention.  Hopefully they enjoyed it because that’s the last bit of recognition they’ll ever get from yours truly.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m FINALLY off to my bed rest.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Defeated

16 Jan 2012 2 Comments

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Frustration, Injustice, Legal issues, Maternity Leave, Outrage, Pregnancy, Stress, Upset

….but not going down without one hell of a fight.

This look will be permanently etched on my face until the birth of my daughter. Taken jokingly as an 'emo' shot several years ago it is now my default expression.

Nobody actually told me that but with the devastating news I received today they may as well have.  It’s a never ending cycle.  The phrase ‘why me’ is not in my vocabulary but I cannot help but wonder the purpose of all these tests and countless obstacles.  I clear one hurdle only to encounter three more….and they all multiply exponentially.

It should come as no surprise that I’m not uttering a word.  In fact, I don’t even know if I can bring myself to blog until the end of January.  I would say until Tatum’s birth but I’m sure I’ll be bored to tears because:

My doctor wants me on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy. 

I’m at an increased risk for a pulmonary embolism [I didn't even ask what led her to that conclusion because I didn't want to have a heart attack and a pulmonary embolism in the office] and my blood pressure’s high.  That combined with all of my stress and anxiety issues moves my pregnancy into high risk category.  While I know that bed rest is the best thing for my health– and hopefully I can use that time to hammer out some paid freelancing– missing work upsets me greatly.  I planned to work until the week before my Monday admission to the hospital.  Now my paid maternity leave won’t cover much past my bed rest, sigh.  I won’t complain though.  At least I have a job waiting on me upon my return and weeks of time to be spent with my precious daughter.

Thankfully I can leave work knowing that I will have completed the end of year closeouts and my pet project– creating a computer database for a large amount of files and records that were previously paper only.  I would hate to have to leave behind any unfinished business for my substitute.  She’s the woman who trained me so I can rest assured that the office is being left in capable, familiar hands.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

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