Hear ye, hear ye

Blogging serves as my outlet for self-expression. It’s cathartic, enabling me to vent, while also fulfilling my creative need. It’s something I truly enjoy doing regardless of how many people are paying attention. Even if I’m not discussing anything deep– especially if I’m not discussing anything deep– I rely on this blog to occupy my time in a productive manner. More often than not it’s a distraction, which I need. But I absolutely will not allow it to become a stressor. So if that means skipping a few days [or weeks], announcing things on my terms, omitting some things, beating a dead horse into the ground with other things, rambling nonsensically or being rendered speechless, controlling who can read certain entries, or anything else I can do as the Queen/Dictator/Divine Ruler/President of Cocktails With Hemingway….that’s my prerogative.

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Malnourished, underweight, exhausted, stressed to the max, depressed, broken, feeling awkward because of the camera, and halfheartedly attempting a smile…this is me. Taken this morning at Marisha’s it is the most current picture I have.

So I’m going to jump into the March Blog Challenge on the current day instead of panicking that I’ll never catch up starting from the beginning. No deadlines bind me to optional, self-imposed projects that aren’t important. I’ll do it when I do it and if it doesn’t get done oh well. The same goes for my photo edits. Of course I respect your time– just look at what a stickler I am for punctuality. Being prompt and efficient is extremely important to me. However, I am doing you a favor, so please don’t pester me. Why should I work myself into a frenzy because I need a few more day? Do remember that I’m taking time I really don’t have to do something special for you. For free. We don’t have a contract and I’m not getting paid for my efforts. With that being said….if you want some of my creations [and are patient and respectful] don’t hesitate to ask. Like blogging, my foray into ‘visual arts’ is quite enjoyable. Just don’t send more than 5 photos at a time.

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I made this for my parents. While Mom pursued graduate studies in Nashville, Dad manned artillery in Vietnam. These pictures come from the summer of ’69.

Now I’ll switch to some lighter fare.

People never cease to amaze me with their…puzzling…behaviors. Whether it’s a blatant disregard for the law or your own life, these two made me laugh out loud. The next logical step is their cohabitation. Not paying rent frees up considerably money for his ‘extracurricular activities’ thus ensuring he’s never sleeping and hypervigilant [not to mention aggressive, paranoid, erratic]. Who better to provide on site security for this foreign national and her authority complex? She’ll be warned before those pesky cops arrive with plenty of time to flee the scene. They’ll be luxe squatting all over the world.

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One of my dear friends, a police officer, had an interesting night on the job.

There is nothing funny about congestive heart failure. There is nothing funny about drug addiction. It’s actually quite sad and disturbing. Paging Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, anyone?

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‘Abka Re Bey’ a.k.a. Tabitha Gentry
Sovereign Citizen & Moorish National

Do you see any trace of remorse on this face? Of course not. Homegirl knows she got free rent and lots of attention. I would advise her to enjoy those 15 minutes now because I hear time passes slowly in prison….but she’ll never be incarcerated for any significant amount of time. She doesn’t acknowledge legal authority so jail won’t acknowledge her. That’s how it works, right? I’m a sovereign citizen of my own little planet. You cannot image how relieved I am to know that upon my return to Memphis I won’t have to worry about saving for a house. The first unoccupied home for sale that I stumble upon is mine for the taking and I won’t have to spend a dime!

[[SIDENOTE: Quite a few years of my youth were spent in this gorgeous home. One of my best friends and her family lived there. Abka Re Bey could not have picked a more stunning estate. Although I’m sure it looked much better with furniture, especially considering the flawless decor I observed during my time on 600 Shady Grove.

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Jamie Jeanette Craft

I’ve never been arrested. But by God, if the law must take me…..let them take me pantless and ‘fleeing the scene’ in a battery operated Power Wheels truck.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

MBC3

• March Blog Challenge •
Day 3: What Makes You Happy?

Generally speaking the things that make me happy can be categorized into seven themes: children, good people, helping others, travel, humor, the little things, and songs.

☻ Children ☻
Adam and Tatum bring me the greatest joy I’ve ever known– motherhood. The rewards are infinite. My son and daughter complete me.
Yet even before I was a parent I’ve always loved kids. Whether it’s teaching the K-2nd grade students at Neshoba, tutoring, babysitting, or anything in between, I do what I can to be around children as often as possible. Few things are more gratifying than watching a young person learn and develop as they blossom before you. Their innocence, enthusiasm, wide-eyed curiosity, straightforward logic, frequent questions, and ‘saying the darnedest things’ moments are endearing.

Always look for an excuse to unleash your inner child.

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☻ Good People ☻

Examples of the tragic consequences of bullying make headlines with alarming frequency. Social media exacerbates the epidemic, contributing to bad behavior from all age levels. People can be so cruel. So it’s always refreshing to see stories of folks behaving nicely. Like the homeless man who returned a woman’s wedding ring– and her subsequent fundraising to reward him for his kindness. Or the kids who stood on the sidelines cheered on their physically handicapped classmate as he finished a race. The airline employees who helped a passenger get to his dying mother’s bedside. Anyone and everyone who does something out of the kindness of their heart…doing something because it’s the right thing to do without expecting anything in return. Those who stand up for others and speak out against injustice.
Instances such as these occur on a daily basis. Wouldn’t it be nice if the media covered more of those to counteract the negativity that saturates our news? Let’s inspire and encourage.

☻ Helping Others ☻

If not for my desire to help others as much and as frequently as I am able then my ability to weather the storm would be severely compromised. Simply put, helping you helps me, and the mutual benefit makes me happy. I’m thrilled to make another person feel good about themselves or make their lives easier. Even the smallest actions, such as smiling at a stranger on the street, can have a big impact on their day.

☻ Travel ☻

I don’t care where I’m going, how I get there, who I’m with, or what we’re doing. If the opportunity to travel arises…my bags are packed and I’m out the door. Some of the best trips don’t involve any packing or even any bags. I live for those spur of the moment, impromptu road trips. Even though I have a passport and have traveled extensively– driving across the bridge into West Memphis to eat at Waffle House and cruise through an unfamiliar neighborhood makes for a ‘foreign’ experience. A wrong turn could easily be a source of frustration– or one hell of a story! Roll with the punches and make the most of it. And take lots of pictures.
[[Obviously traveling with the wee ones requires coordination and advanced planning, but it's still possible to incorporate an element of adventure and a carefree spirit.]]

The British Virgin Islands for Jen & Todd’s 2005 wedding is one none of us will ever forget.

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☻ Little Things ☻
It truly doesn’t take much to make me happy.
Taking baths. Meeting somebody with whom you really ‘click.’ Finding imperative items for a fraction of the price at a thrift store. Meaningful conversations. Seeing the ocean. A delicious meal. Exciting games in Words With Friends. Stumbling upon unique rocks. Talking to Maris. <3

☻ Humor ☻
Life is funny. Nothing is ever so bad that you can't laugh. Virtually every situation contains humor. Laugh freely and laugh often. It's okay to be politically incorrect.

Cheer up, emo dude, top center.

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☻ Songs ☻
I could be listening to the eulogy mid-funeral, hear one of these, and be in a great mood. Not that I anticipate that scenario ever happening or anything. ;)
DISCLAIMER: Some of these ditties contain lyrics that are obscene at best and downright vulgar at worst. You have been sufficiently warned that these are NSFW or little ears, so listen at your own risk. The video/song below is squeaky clean.

“Scotty Doesn’t Know” – Lustra
“Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta” – Geto Boys
“Peggy Sue” – Buddy Holly
“3.14″ – Bloodhound Gang
“Holiday” – Weezer
“Scene For Dummies” – Hollywood Undead
“Mr. Right” – Mickey Avalon
“Black Jesus” – Everlast
“Goin Steady” – Rocko
“No Hands” – Waka Flocka Flame ft. Wale & Roscoe Dash
“Go DJ” – Lil Wayne
“Still Fly” – Big Tymers
“Whatever You Like” – TI
“Army” – Ben Folds Five
“Volcano” – Presidents of the United States of America

High school memories. Hey Alg!

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Fair and balanced

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I refuse to let ‘California’ define our family. Rising above this unfair and inaccurate portrayal is central to the recovery mission. Does it consume me? Absolutely. Are my children feeling the effects if it? You betcha. Is it a safe assumption to say I’m enraged? Don’t even get me started.

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Cambria, CA • March 2012

To make Cocktails With Hemingway a permanent, highly visible documentation of our family’s Dark Ages is not only counterproductive to my mission– but a disservice to my kids, myself, and the numerous supporters we have during this trying time. By the same token it is my blog; thus, it is an extension of who I am and my need to express myself through writing. Authenticity is imperative. Yet maintaining a sense of balances proves equally important.

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Look at me surrounded by bluebirds! [Atascadero • February 2013]

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact I laugh often and never fail to see the humor in any situation. I count my blessings daily and try to stay positive. Miraculously, I still believe in the inherent good of people.
Learning occupies most of my time here, particularly language and geology. I know enough Spanish to have basic conversations and ask questions. Fulfilling a lifelong dream, I have commenced my study of Russian and the Cyrillic alphabet. Not only is my rock collection impressive, I’m about to launch my foray into rock tumbling– and even make my own tumbler! Hours of research and meticulous preparation earned me a PhD in geology. Never mind the fact that my ‘university’ involves a Google/iPhone app curriculum hybrid. ;)

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A sampling of my geological finds

CWS does not dominate my conversations. Despite the severity of my depression, that smile you see on my face isn’t fake. I’m not sulking about as I quote Nietzsche or channeling my rage into a radical plot to overthrow the government. The very fact that I’ve managed to make productive use of my time [while retaining my sanity nonetheless] serves as a testament to the power of love, family, courage, strength, and resiliency.

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I sure as hell haven’t lost my fire. Pain may have snuffed out the flame– temporarily– but there are countless ways to ignite the spark.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Giggles

So much for that one post a day business.  These past few days I’ve written more than ever….just not here.  More on that later.

It's important to instill a strong work ethic in your children as early as possible.

Despite living in a hell worse than anything of Biblical proportions [or so it feels that way], I giggle constantly.  Everything is funny to me.  Tears can be streaming down my face as I’m cracking up thinking about something that happened in tenth grade.  My friends are some of the biggest enablers in the laughter department because the vast majority of them are absolutely hysterical– intentional or not.  Oh, how I love to laugh. 

I am so thankful for this gift of mine.  If not for humor….

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

 

Have warrant. Need transportation.

Adam's fine motor skills far surpass mine but I'm trying to draw your attention to the red text within the scribble.

Sometimes my widdle feewings get hurt when I think about how my good name has been dragged through the mud in light of recent events….despite what CPS wants to believe I am not the most despicable human being that has ever walked the planet.  It HURTS when your child is a traumatized victim and very few people [none of them government officials] care.  It HURTS when people tell you repeatedly to your face that they refuse to do their job and investigate.  It HURTS having your family destroyed.  I’m tough as nails and mad as hell [perfect title for a country song if it's not one already] but I do have feelings.

Would you find it in your hearts to forgive me if I shared a prime example of me being really immature?  Every few days I get on the Shelby County [Memphis] warrant lookup website and type in Will’s name.  His active warrant pops up and I check the dazzling mugshot to verify his identity.  This has been a part of my routine for quite sometime now.

I don’t know if it’s new or I simply overlooked it.  The text I’ve circled says:  “Should you locate yourself in our warrant database, you may contact the office and make arrangements to surrender.  If you don’t have transportation, we will assist you in this matter.”  Am I the only one who finds that hysterical? 

First of all, it says ‘may’ instead of ‘should.’  I like the way they give you an option.  You don’t have to surrender– they’ll find you either way– but that option is on the table if you want it.  Then there’s the actual surrender.  I’ve never been arrested or had any warrants but I can’t imagine wanted fugitives are chomping at the bit to line up and turn themselves into authorities.  Not that I’d ever advocate running from the law….but it warms my soul to think of a dangerous felon reading that sentence, having a change of heart, and deciding to mosey on down to 201 instead of stealing somebody’s car at gunpoint, fleeing the state, and living a pitiful secret existence on the lam.

Hands down, the last sentence is the best.  How exactly do they assist you with ‘transportation’ issues?  A MATA pass?  A police convoy sent to your residence?  I would pay money to hear a recorded phone conversation on the local news from a criminal wanting to turn themselves in….and proceeding to ask for help with transportation.  That would totally make my week.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Holiday extras

Apparently I’m not the only one with an aversion to the holiday season.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emo kid needs to cheer up….we could all take a cue from this lovely family who is committed to a festive Christmas card despite their unfortunate circumstances during these trying times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lost in translation?  Or totally accurate?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Happy Monday from FailBlog!

Oh my.

I sincerely hope this image comes from somebody’s residence as opposed to a community refrigerator in the office….

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Approval!

THIS MORNING I WAS OFFICIALLY APPROVED FOR MY APARTMENT!!  As soon as S pays the deposit and the first month’s rent ….in we go.  I don’t anticipate this taking very long so we should be there by Thanksgiving.  =)

I’ll be sure to share the official move-in date with you as soon as I have it.  Money’s going to be so tight these next few months as I furnish our new living quarters.  Walmart [I'm 110% Team Target for a variety of reasons-- but I'm beyond broke and Walmart's right by my office-- so sue me], Craigslist, and garage sales are going to be my new best friends in this endeavor.

Today was an ultimate WIN for me.  Unfortunately it was a FAIL for this genius. Bath salts are bad, kiddos.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

“You are so dumb!”

Where I hail from– the dirty dirty! [a.k.a. The South]– our nightly local news is notorious for showcasing some of the more interesting citizens for sound bites.  Antoine Dodson, from my neighboring state of Alabama, takes the cake.  This would be hysterical in and of itself even if it was made to be silly.  Yet this is an actual excerpt from the nightly news in Huntsville.  Much to my dismay not everyone below the Mason Dixon line is such a character….but I really miss those larger than life Southern types.

I DARE YOU NOT TO LAUGH AT THIS.  You’ve probably already seen it.  I think I’ve posted it on here too.  But I can be at a funeral and this pops up and you’ll see me horse laughing.  Don’t you just wish you had a “You are so dumb!  You are really dumb!” button in his voice that you could push?

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

I am now married to….Jesus Christ

My new hubby

Adam’s school is a non-denominational Christian facility.  They learn about Jesus, the Bible, and other religious aspects pertaining to Christianity.  I’m thrilled that my son is exposed to these elements because it is a different perspective than his understandings in the Unitarian Universalist Church.  Hellfire and brimstone simply doesn’t exist out west [at least not in this area] so I encourage him to soak up all the spirituality his little body can absorb.

Today after school we had a very serious discussion.

“Mommy, I don’t want you to be married to Daddy anymore,” he informed me.  Worried he might have been reflecting upon our recent separation I nonchalantly asked why not.  “I want you to be married to Jesus.” 

And there you have it.  Like Kelli said, at least he picked the greatest possible guy for his mom!  I don’t have the best history of dating winners so I think it’s a fair statement to say Jesus Christ takes the cake in terms of my love life.  Hopefully I can still blog at the convent.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

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