MBC13

• March Blog Challenge •
Day 13: Do you have regret?

Here’s an actual answer of mine from a MySpace survey several years ago:. “‘No regrets’ summarizes my philosophy on life. Do I make mistakes? Of course. Are there things I would have done differently? Oh yeah. But life is too short to dwell on what could have been. There’s no use crying over spilled milk. Mop it up and move on. Instead of regret view everything as a learning experience. Objectively analyze the situation. Be prepared to face some harsh truths. What were the consequences? Use this knowledge to prevent you from similar outcomes in the future. It’s much easier said than done– and most of us make the same mistakes multiple times before we actually learn– but I try valiantly to have no regrets.

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My first apartment [with Megan!] was such a fun time.

Two regrets of mine both involve travel.

In 2007 there was an opportunity for English majors at the University of Memphis to spend six weeks in Romania helping local students learn the English language. Cultural immersion, including staying with a host family, going on field trips, and taking classes on language and history, was the dual focus. It was perfect for me– community service, culture, school credit, doing something I loved and could do well, interesting classes, being in an area of the world where I’ve always wanted to travel, and the experience of studying abroad without the commitment of a full semester. Yet I inexplicably watched the deadline come and go without ever submitting my paperwork.

The next winter I declined an offer to fly to New York to visit my dear friend, Sean Krause. He understood my hesitations about traveling with a 9-month-old Adam [and respected the fact that leaving him during his first Christmas season wasn't an option] and we both agreed to take a rain check. Tragically, we never got that chance because he passed away in February.

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Name checked by Greta

So when I got an invitation to fly to NYC and appear on Fox News the following year…I didn’t hesitate. Adam would enjoy a week of being spoiled by his grandparents while I pursued a once in a lifetime opportunity. As I sat in the green room giggling from nerves I thought of Sean, my mentor, and his appearance on Greta Van Susteren’s show. As I wandered aimlessly around the city streets, soaking up my first time in the Big Apple, I knew Sean would be so proud. As I experienced a satsang with Alan Gompers [a personal hero of mine] in Greenwich Village, a transformative experience, I thanked Sean for his help getting me here.”

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The last thing I saw before I walked on stage and met the life studio audience

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“So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It’s always the last day of summer and I’ve been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I’ll grant you I’ve had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they’re making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I’ve left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there’s almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door.” ~ Blow

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Lifetime movies make my heart happy

The image of Rob Lowe looking menacing while he tells his neighbor "I'm untouchable, bitch!" will amuse me for a very long time.

Determined to make the rest of my pregnancy as relaxing as possible for Tatum, I spent my Saturday snuggled up  on the sofa watching four consecutive Lifetime movies.  First there was one about a psychotic woman who was denied for the adoption process….so of course she takes it upon herself to drug and kidnap her pregnant roommate, lock her up at a remote family farmhouse, and attempt to convince everyone the girl disappeared.  I know I can always trust Lifetime for fresh, original content.  Next came a movie about Veronica Mars [oh that actress has a name?] where her mother was a junkie so she takes it upon herself to get legally emancipated and adopt her various half brothers.  Then there was Drew Peterson:  Untouchable, starring Rob Lowe.  Perfect movie for the perfect network.  Finally there was The Pregnancy Project [not to be confused with The Pregnancy Pact] where a senior who is a super student fakes her pregnancy as a ‘social experiment’ in order to obtain firsthand knowledge of the stigmas teen moms face.  You already know the movie concluded with her big reveal of the fake bump in her school auditorium and the thunderous applause of her fellow students who felt terrible about judging her and will never judge another human being ever again and throw all stereotypes out the window from that point forward.

On a more serious note, I don’t think I’ve ever said much about Drew Peterson.  We’ll save that post for another day as my mission is to prevent the heart rate and BP from elevating.  What is it about arrogant scumbags with the last name Peterson?  And, uh, ladies:  if your new man wife ”drowned’ in a dry bathtub, that’s your cue to run screaming in the opposite direction.  Perhaps most sickening about this entire thing is– much like that other Peterson– he has a large female following.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if one wife is expendable….

A knock on my door jarred me from my bed rest reverie.  Thank you to my chauffeur who took me to purchase a new cell phone.  I opted for the $45 unlimited Straight Talk plan from Walmart because it seemed to be the most affordable option aligned with my cellular needs.  While I didn’t purchase a smart phone– why spend the extra money when I’m never far from my laptop and digital camera?– it more than fulfills my needs.  Only family, coworkers, and a few close friends will have the number.  Legal calls and anything official can come to my house.  These ten digits will be more heavily guarded than Fort Knox.  ;)

I ended up talking on the phone for 2+ hours [this is unheard of for me] with Liv last night.  Although we discussed the situation, it wasn’t in a stressful way– she commiserated, expressed outrage at the appropriate times, and offered meaningful insight.  And then it was nice to just catch up and laugh.  She informed me that Memphis no longer had strip clubs but bikini bars.  We also chatted about funeral faux pas, my innovative [and foolproof!] method for banishing a stalker, her school, and other glorious topics.

Such overwhelming sadness and guilt permeates my atmosphere of relaxation.  Need I even explain why I’m so heartbroken?  And the guilt…I feel as though if I focus on staying calm for Tatum [as opposed to spending every second of my day actively trying to get Adam home] then I’m somehow betraying my son.  This is yet another example of how my permanent location has been between a rock and a hard place since November 17th.  Sigh.

 

24 days until Tatum arrives.  <3

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane