Sacramento Failed Matthew Hernandez

19 Mar 2013 1 Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in * R. i. P. *, Activism, Anger, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Child Abuse, Controversy, Crime, Criminals, Domestic Violence, Drugs, Fail, Frustration, Gestapo, Grief, Injustice, Legal, Legal issues, Outrage, Parenting, Poor Decisions, Upset Tags: , , ,

What sort of despicable creature kills their son in cold blood with a hatchet? Only a monster– pure evil that is incomprehensible to the rest of us– could murder their own child.

Matthew Hernandez

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Monsters exist everywhere. No part of the world escapes heinous acts from the vilest of criminals. The gruesome end to 9 year old Matthew’s life is a tragedy, one that could have happened anywhere, in any region or country. Killer Philip Hernandez could have been a resident of Delaware or Texas or North Dakota, anywhere besides California. Yet as grieving mother Jessica Hernandez will tell you….the state of California does not always act in the best interests of its most vulnerable population.

Cases such as Jessica’s are the extreme, but her allegations [evidence blatantly ignored in the courtroom, denial of basic rights, various forms of discrimination, etc.] echo throughout the state, a common denominator amongst far too many cases. Between Family Court, Child ‘Welfare’ Services, and the foster care system– something is very wrong here.

Jessica Hernandez and her two sons
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The undeniable truth: Sacramento courts failed Jessica Hernandez and her son– at the cost of the young boy’s life. A judge chose to disregard crucial information and that irresponsible decision cost a family dearly. She’s not the first judge to do so. Nor will she be the last. To whom are these authority figures judges, social workers, civil servants answering? Other than contesting a verdict via the appeals process, what choice does one have when they know something is wrong? Why must children suffer at the hands of adults supposedly entrusted with their protection?

REFORM AMONGST THE FAMILY LAW COURTS, CWS, AND FOSTER CARE IS IMPERATIVE– THE NEED IS URGENT AND THE TIME IS NOW.

Hear ye, hear ye

11 Mar 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Anxiety, Blogs, Cocktails With Hemingway, Crime, Drugs, Etc., Housing, Humor, Memphis, Stress, The South, Winning

Blogging serves as my outlet for self-expression. It’s cathartic, enabling me to vent, while also fulfilling my creative need. It’s something I truly enjoy doing regardless of how many people are paying attention. Even if I’m not discussing anything deep– especially if I’m not discussing anything deep– I rely on this blog to occupy my time in a productive manner. More often than not it’s a distraction, which I need. But I absolutely will not allow it to become a stressor. So if that means skipping a few days [or weeks], announcing things on my terms, omitting some things, beating a dead horse into the ground with other things, rambling nonsensically or being rendered speechless, controlling who can read certain entries, or anything else I can do as the Queen/Dictator/Divine Ruler/President of Cocktails With Hemingway….that’s my prerogative.

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Malnourished, underweight, exhausted, stressed to the max, depressed, broken, feeling awkward because of the camera, and halfheartedly attempting a smile…this is me. Taken this morning at Marisha’s it is the most current picture I have.

So I’m going to jump into the March Blog Challenge on the current day instead of panicking that I’ll never catch up starting from the beginning. No deadlines bind me to optional, self-imposed projects that aren’t important. I’ll do it when I do it and if it doesn’t get done oh well. The same goes for my photo edits. Of course I respect your time– just look at what a stickler I am for punctuality. Being prompt and efficient is extremely important to me. However, I am doing you a favor, so please don’t pester me. Why should I work myself into a frenzy because I need a few more day? Do remember that I’m taking time I really don’t have to do something special for you. For free. We don’t have a contract and I’m not getting paid for my efforts. With that being said….if you want some of my creations [and are patient and respectful] don’t hesitate to ask. Like blogging, my foray into ‘visual arts’ is quite enjoyable. Just don’t send more than 5 photos at a time.

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I made this for my parents. While Mom pursued graduate studies in Nashville, Dad manned artillery in Vietnam. These pictures come from the summer of ’69.

Now I’ll switch to some lighter fare.

People never cease to amaze me with their…puzzling…behaviors. Whether it’s a blatant disregard for the law or your own life, these two made me laugh out loud. The next logical step is their cohabitation. Not paying rent frees up considerably money for his ‘extracurricular activities’ thus ensuring he’s never sleeping and hypervigilant [not to mention aggressive, paranoid, erratic]. Who better to provide on site security for this foreign national and her authority complex? She’ll be warned before those pesky cops arrive with plenty of time to flee the scene. They’ll be luxe squatting all over the world.

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One of my dear friends, a police officer, had an interesting night on the job.

There is nothing funny about congestive heart failure. There is nothing funny about drug addiction. It’s actually quite sad and disturbing. Paging Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, anyone?

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‘Abka Re Bey’ a.k.a. Tabitha Gentry
Sovereign Citizen & Moorish National

Do you see any trace of remorse on this face? Of course not. Homegirl knows she got free rent and lots of attention. I would advise her to enjoy those 15 minutes now because I hear time passes slowly in prison….but she’ll never be incarcerated for any significant amount of time. She doesn’t acknowledge legal authority so jail won’t acknowledge her. That’s how it works, right? I’m a sovereign citizen of my own little planet. You cannot image how relieved I am to know that upon my return to Memphis I won’t have to worry about saving for a house. The first unoccupied home for sale that I stumble upon is mine for the taking and I won’t have to spend a dime!

[[SIDENOTE: Quite a few years of my youth were spent in this gorgeous home. One of my best friends and her family lived there. Abka Re Bey could not have picked a more stunning estate. Although I’m sure it looked much better with furniture, especially considering the flawless decor I observed during my time on 600 Shady Grove.

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Jamie Jeanette Craft

I’ve never been arrested. But by God, if the law must take me…..let them take me pantless and ‘fleeing the scene’ in a battery operated Power Wheels truck.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Devastation

12 Mar 2012 1 Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Anger, Disappointment, Divorce, Drugs, Family, Grief, Heartbreak, Outrage, Parenting, Single mama, Tatum, Upset, Will Reed

DISCLAIMER:  Mentioning Will in Cocktails With Hemingway exacerbates an already precarious situation.  How do I tread that fine line?  Appearing ‘too soft’ on him sends the message that I’m making excuses for his deplorable behavior or leaving the door open for a reconciliation of some sorts.  Both of these are completely false.  Conversely, if I drag his name through the mud, I am no better than him.  My refusal to lower myself to that sort of behavior speaks volumes about my integrity.  Not only is it counterproductive to launch a character assassination on him but it detracts focus from what is most important– bringing Adam home.  I work diligently to keep Will from dominating  my posts..  Let me be the first to tell you how difficult that is.  I could easily create a blog devoted solely to my estranged husband– there’s no shortage of overwhelmingly negative emotions– yet I can no longer suppress my feelings.

One of our few family photos: Adam's 3rd birthday.

Last week I discovered Will took a one-way Greyhound to San Diego where he is now living with ‘friends.’  He blew off a visit with Adam, gave the Salvation Army some sob story to obtain his ticket, and told the CPS worker he was turning himself into jail.  Nobody’s heard from him since.

Thanks to Facebook, the entire world can see that Will did indeed arrive safely in San Diego.  His default picture shows him highly intoxicated and the images and statuses he post reference alcohol and partying.  I’m not surprised.  Not even the brazen nature of his virtual display shocks me.  What I wasn’t expecting was for him to leave the county to engage in such debauchery.  By doing so he effectively threw in the towel when it comes to the court battle for Adam, abandoning him completely with his decision to leave.  And I doubt he’ll ever come back.

My heart’s not broken, at least not in the traditional sense.  It is our precious children who have the broken hearts.  I attempt to absorb their pain fully so they never have to feel it.  These are not my tears I cry, they are Adam’s and Tatum’s.  The thought of our innocent kids being hurt– by their own parent nonetheless– fills me with an overwhelming despair.

My cousin's wedding in spring '11

How can anyone abandon their children?  These past few weeks I’ve spent away from Adam– sacrificing one child to save another– have been hell on earth without my baby boy.  Despite all the joy surrounding Tatum’s birth and first three weeks of life, I was acutely aware of every second of Adam’s very conspicuous absence.  Abandoning a traumatized, sad, confused, angry, child to travel 200 miles north to pursue partying?  Deplorable doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Knowing that my son’s not being visited by either of his parents during this time is heartbreaking.  My rage towards Will is completely justifiable but I won’t allow it to consume me.  How dare he?  After this awful nightmare he created, he suddenly jumps ship leaving me in the wake of  his destruction.  Adam and Tatum are not pawns and this is not a game.    

He didn’t even bother to call his Aunt regarding Tatum’s birth.  That’s one memory I’ll never share with her.  Does he somehow cope by pretending she doesn’t exist?

Gone are the days of ‘justifying’ his poor parenting behavior with his addiction to drugs and alcohol because I don’t feel sorry for him anymore.  He is an addict who needs serious, long-term rehabilitation yet refuses it.  What more can anyone do?  People on both sides of the family have done everything in their power to get him into treatment.  We can only do so much.  You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. 

My first pregnancy was filled with glee.

Never again will I make the mistake that cost me my son:  no third chance exists for Will.  He’s a con artist who weaseled his way back into our lives and I was foolish enough to believe his empty promises.  As if opening the door to the chaos that is Will wasn’t enough….I stupidly followed him across the county upon discovering I was pregnant….leaving behind everything I knew and everyone I loved.  Even worse, I let a two week window where I could have left California with Adam lapse because Will begged and pleaded for the chance to “be civil adults who are close friends and co-parents.”  I have no one to blame except myself for these egregious errors and I profoundly regret them every day. 

Monumental are the ways in which this entire family– and especially Adam– have been ruined by Will.  Past damage is irreversible yet the future lies in my hands.  I will not allow him to infiltrate our lives again.  Will and I will never ‘co-parent;’ there’s no possible way for us to be friends or even communicate; I’m renewing the order of protection after December 2014; our divorce is pending; child support will be paid for Tatum, eventually, Adam too; he doesn’t deserve my forgiveness; I don’t have an ounce of pity for him; I’ve stopped trying to understand him; and I finally understand that the father of my children will never be Daddy or my loving husband.  Case closed.  Time to pick up the pieces and rebuild our lives.  We deserve better.

Earlier I spoke of my overwhelming despair.  Now I must make it my mission to seek its antithesis– hope.  Three words best define my little family:  love, strength, and resiliency.  The Reeds are surrounded by love.  My faith is unshakable and my own strength never ceases to amaze me.  Even my children, with less than five years between them, consistently demonstrate how strong they are too.  Our resilience ensures not only our capacity to survive, but to thrive.  It is an honor to be Mommy, Daddy, and everything in between to Adam and Tatum.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Tila Tequila

07 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Bullying, Celebrity, Drugs

Tila Nguyen (a.k.a. 'Tila Tequila')

Many of you reading this probably assume Tila Tequila is a fancy cocktail.  She’s a bit hard to categorize…but I’ll go with reality star [remember the infamous A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila - MTV's dating show where the bisexual Ms. Tequila had male and female contestants vying for her affection] slash ‘video’ star [please don't make me elaborate] slash musician [I'm not ashamed to admit I crank one of her songs but it's too obscene to tell you the title or most of the lyrics so I'll keep the specifics to myself] slash model [personally I think she's gorgeous so she definitely deserves that title].

Last week, Tila was hospitalized with a brain aneurysm.  Police responded to an attempted suicide call by her male roommate where it was discovered she overdosed on pills.  She’s only 30 years old.  I remember reading in an interview that she first tried heroin when she was 11.  That’s pitiful.  Being a slave to drugs for two thirds of your life, I can’t even imagine.

So Tila’s a train wreck.  Her antics that have landed her in the tabloids these past few years confirm this.  However, this is a serious medical condition!  She’s lucky to be alive and it doesn’t sound like she’s out of the clear yet.  As I was scrolling through the comments on another site covering this story, I was horrified at the vitriol.  Newsflash:  just because you [appear to be in the eyes of some] promiscuous, a drug addict, ditzy, or any other unflattering description does not mean you “deserve” bad things happening to you or that you should “just die already.” 

Those people should be ashamed of themselves.  Tila’s life is not worth more or less than anyone else’s.  How people can be so cruel is beyond me.  I know that I’ll be saying a prayer for Tila tonight.  Here’s to hoping she makes a full recovery and gets her life on track.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Drugs for kids, Rick Santorum, and new amphibians

02 Mar 2012 1 Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Drugs, Links, Politics, Travels, Uncategorized, Writing

The joy Tatum brings to our family is indescribable.  We adore our little angel.  Yet even with her in my arms there is still so much heartbreak.  I am determined to spend the rest of my Tennessee time focused on my precious daughter.  During those difficult periods where she’s napping and I’m left alone with my thoughts….it’s time to unleash my tried and true defense mechanisms of mindless distractions and pretending this nightmare is a figment of my imagination.  Neither one of these works, at least not for very long, but a temporary ‘escape’  helps me return to my mission with renewed strength and focus.  With that being said, enjoy the links that piqued my interest recently.

As horrifying as this article is, it doesn’t surprise me in the least.  Young people are the perfect consumers.  Catch them young enough and they’ll be buyers for life.  To hear of ‘cheese addicts’ [and we're not talking about my penchant for the dairy product] and kids ‘overdosing on Strawberry Quick’ makes me ill.  It’s never too early to talk to your children about drugs.

Can you imagine what our society would be like if these were legal items to purchase?

Perhaps it is in poor taste to write about legalizing drugs considering the previous paragraph but I try to group things in a way that makes sense to me.  Citing Portugal’s decision to decriminalize drugs [and the subsequent 50% drop in drug abuse over the course of ten years] as an example, author Richard Rider offers compelling examples as to why drugs should be legalized in the United States.  While this notion is shocking to some people– and I’m certainly not agreeing with him– he does make some valid points that we would be remiss not to consider when formulating an opinion on this issue.

Inhalable caffeine?!  Where can I get some?!  I completely understand the concerns with this product but in my mind all I see is the joy of multiple cups of coffee minus the disgusting taste and frequent trips to the ladies room.  ;)


“Rick Santorum Represents Everything Europeans Find Weird About America” – With such an interesting title I expected a little more substance….though the limited observations presented were interesting.  Classes pertaining to international relations and comparative politics comprised much of my course load as a political science major and I’ve always been enthralled with the various forms of governments in our world.  It’s fascinating to get a glimpse of how other nations view the United States.  Reading foreign news sources regarding U.S. political coverage [especially during an election year] is something I highly recommend if it’s not already a part of your routine.  Don’t be one of those insulated Americans who forgets the rest of the world exists.

Traveling makes you a better writer. I'd like to go here, please.

It’s no secret that Rick Santorum wouldn’t make the cut for scoring an invite to my ideal dinner party.  His beliefs regarding women’s reproductive health never cease to amaze me with their sheer ignorance.  Undergoing an amniocentesis is not “morally wrong”– it’s a potentially life saving test– and it is simply not true that it is used to “recommend abortion.”  Had Sarah Fister Gale not received an amniocentisis, her daughter would have died shortly after birth….yet because she took her doctor’s advice [in response to an anomaly in her blood work] her daughter’s RH- disease did not cause them to bury an infant….and her 11 year old girl is now healthy.  Yes, certain chromosomal disorders and neural tube defect detected from amniocentesis are deemed ‘incompatible’ with life and mothers are given the option to terminate.  But what about those parents who use the results of such a crucial test to give their children the medical attention they need and the best quality of life possible?

There’s a new type of limbless amphibian recently discovered in northeastern India.  So they’re not exactly the cutest things I’ve ever seen but it’s always exciting when science discovers something new!

Though I’ve never felt the need to justify my wanderlust– bonus points for the literary types who understand why writers should travel.  I couldn’t agree more.  While Disneyland may not be the Acropolis in terms of cultural value– it’s the next vacation on the calendar.  Adam and I will take a Mommy and Me trip….and I know that experience will be infinitely more rewarding than any historic landmark.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Whitney Houston

11 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in * R. i. P. *, Death, Drugs

I like this picture very much-- she looks contemplative yet healthy.

“Houston won two Emmy Awards, six Grammy Awards, 30 Billboard Music Awards, 22 American Music Awards during her record-breaking career. Her album ‘Whitney’ was the first female album to ever debut at #1 on the Billboard Charts. She has sold 200 million albums world wide.” - TMZ  [I choose to remember Whitney Houston this way.]

Whitney Houston died this afternoon.  My heart goes out to her daughter, Bobbi Kristina, and all of those affected by her loss.  Adding to the tragedy of her untimely passing is the fact that it was most likely preventable.  While no conclusive results have been released to determine the cause of death….it is no secret that she struggled very publicly with addiction.  Whether or not drugs contributed directly to what ultimately took her life, any ‘natural causes’ are certainly exacerbated by a body that has been worn down by years of abuse, and there is no possible way she could have had the same sort of good health as a 48 year old woman without her demons.

Celebrities with drug and alcohol problems have every resource at their disposal to seek help– if they choose to accept it.  Being constantly surrounded by ‘yes men’ and other enablers [most of them on the payroll] makes it extremely difficult to extricate yourself from a dangerous situation.  Money and fame won’t solve your problems.  Junkies on the street don’t have the luxury of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars for a top of the line rehabilitation facility.  It’s all so tragic.  Addiction doesn’t discriminate.  Nobody is immune. 

You can only do so much for a person who doesn’t want to help themselves, but I have to wonder:  did anyone actively try and stop a person who was clearly self-destructing?  Has anyone attempted to intervene with Demi Moore?  Lindsay Lohan?  I mention celebrities only because everyone knows these individuals.  We all have some mere mortals to add to this list.  How hard do you try before somebody is deemed a lost cause?  Is anyone ever too far gone?  Can somebody like that truly change their ways or is it always a vicious cycle?  Lord knows I’ve struggled with these concepts….sometime you have to accept the fact that you can’t save everyone and disengage.

You will be missed, Whitney.  May you find the peace in death that seemed to evade you in life.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

“Addicted” – Walls of Jericho

18 Oct 2011 2 Comments

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Changes, Drugs, Will Reed

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  it takes a real man/woman to admit that they have a problem– and to go a major step beyond that and seek help.  Those individuals who understand that some issues simply cannot be handled without some outside assistance have my admiration and respect.  My husband is one of those people.  While he certainly doesn’t have the greatest track record for smart decisions and productive behavior [and I am not speaking poorly of him because he will be the first to agree with you]….most, if not all, of his mistakes can be attributed to his struggles with substance abuse.  It is with cautious optimism and tremendous joy that he has decided to voluntarily enter a sober living facility a few towns away from us.  It is long term yet he will be released for Tatum’s birth.  Regardless of what I have endured I hope for the sake of my children that he can get his life back on track.

Daddy & Adam

“When you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.” ~ Joseph Campbell

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Tweakers, birth control, the death penalty, etc.

13 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Controversy, Death Penalty, Drugs, Food, GLBT issues, Health, Links, Military, Planned Parenthood, Pregnancy, Social Justice

5 Ways Methamphetamine Can Make You a New Person

Adam painted these in summer school. Aren't they lovely?

Sick and tired of having to justify your crystal meth habit to those sluggish, slow-brained folk?

15 Pregnancy Power Foods

Even if you’re not pregnant you should take a glimpse at these nutritious foods.  Raw broccoli may not be your idea of culinary bliss so be mindful of how to incorporate the items into dishes you enjoy.  I was pleasantly surprised how….common…a lot of these things were and how much of them I already like.  [[Sidenote: While I am on pregnancy and parenting websites daily-- I try to only share the ones I think will be most interesting to my readers-- regardless of whether or

not their uterus has an occupant or they claim a dependent other than themselves on their tax return]]

Innocence and the Death Penalty

I found this article through a link on an Amnesty International Piece entitled ’35 Years Of Death Penalty Regret.’  While I’m against the death penalty– though not for ethical reasons– the thought of innocent people facing execution makes me ill.  “Since 1973, 138 people in 26 states have been released from death row with evidence of their innocence.  Not to imply that a person should be found guilty if there is room for reasonable doubt [though it happens all the time]….but nobody should be sentenced to death without incontrovertible proof of their guilt of a heinous crime.

Lesbian marine in California to be jailed after she and girlfriend ‘faked marriages with male colleagues to pocket $75,000 in allowances’

The headline alone caused me to snicker before I even read this; however, there was really nothing funny in the piece.  To make a long story short the marine wanted to live with her civilian girlfriend off-base but couldn’t afford it, thus prompting her to marry a fellow soldier, a male heterosexual.  Of course– reading only the first few sentences– the rabble-rouser in me said: “Haha, look at them making a statement and calling attention to some archaic limitations our society places on love!“  But then we learn that the civilian girlfriend marries a marine as well…..their living arrangements are questioned, the marines are in lots of trouble and their is possible jail time.  Most shockingly, the female marine seemed blissfully unaware that she could get in any sort of trouble for this.  While I applaud the fact that she did not hide her girlfriend, she should have fully understood the consequences, and been willing to take more of an activist stance.  Overall I felt like her attitude and lack of research made her an inappropriate ‘role model’ [if you can even call her that] for the cause and A) it’s absolutely ridiculous that the military– though they certainly aren’t the only organization guilty of this– doesn’t respect and honor those who serve equally and B) marriage is still defined by gender as opposed to love.

Birth control, exams to cost more at Planned Parenthood

Budget cuts in Davidson County [Nashville, TN] put Planned Parenthood in a bind.  Sadly this is all too common at Planned Parenthoods throughout the nation.  Select staunch conservatives erroneously equate this crucial organization with an ‘abortion factory’– I actually heard that phrase used somewhere!– but your personal beliefs about a woman’s right to choose should not negate the importance of Planned Parenthood.  If you disagree with some of the services they provide, take your business elsewhere.  Don’t forget that they provide gynecological services to low-income and/or uninsured women, contraceptives, and disease testing.  We desperately need this.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane