MBC13

• March Blog Challenge •
Day 13: Do you have regret?

Here’s an actual answer of mine from a MySpace survey several years ago:. “‘No regrets’ summarizes my philosophy on life. Do I make mistakes? Of course. Are there things I would have done differently? Oh yeah. But life is too short to dwell on what could have been. There’s no use crying over spilled milk. Mop it up and move on. Instead of regret view everything as a learning experience. Objectively analyze the situation. Be prepared to face some harsh truths. What were the consequences? Use this knowledge to prevent you from similar outcomes in the future. It’s much easier said than done– and most of us make the same mistakes multiple times before we actually learn– but I try valiantly to have no regrets.

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My first apartment [with Megan!] was such a fun time.

Two regrets of mine both involve travel.

In 2007 there was an opportunity for English majors at the University of Memphis to spend six weeks in Romania helping local students learn the English language. Cultural immersion, including staying with a host family, going on field trips, and taking classes on language and history, was the dual focus. It was perfect for me– community service, culture, school credit, doing something I loved and could do well, interesting classes, being in an area of the world where I’ve always wanted to travel, and the experience of studying abroad without the commitment of a full semester. Yet I inexplicably watched the deadline come and go without ever submitting my paperwork.

The next winter I declined an offer to fly to New York to visit my dear friend, Sean Krause. He understood my hesitations about traveling with a 9-month-old Adam [and respected the fact that leaving him during his first Christmas season wasn't an option] and we both agreed to take a rain check. Tragically, we never got that chance because he passed away in February.

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Name checked by Greta

So when I got an invitation to fly to NYC and appear on Fox News the following year…I didn’t hesitate. Adam would enjoy a week of being spoiled by his grandparents while I pursued a once in a lifetime opportunity. As I sat in the green room giggling from nerves I thought of Sean, my mentor, and his appearance on Greta Van Susteren’s show. As I wandered aimlessly around the city streets, soaking up my first time in the Big Apple, I knew Sean would be so proud. As I experienced a satsang with Alan Gompers [a personal hero of mine] in Greenwich Village, a transformative experience, I thanked Sean for his help getting me here.”

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The last thing I saw before I walked on stage and met the life studio audience

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“So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It’s always the last day of summer and I’ve been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I’ll grant you I’ve had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they’re making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I’ve left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there’s almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door.” ~ Blow

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Oh, Doctor

“Your life can be taken away at any moment. I just want people to know that anyone can make a difference, no matter how small or big.” ~ Sean Krause
(from a November ’08 article in which I interviewed him)

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With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Hospital videos

The last video footage you’ll ever see of a pregnant Sloane.

P.S.  We could not help but laugh at my enormous gown draped in all of the wrong places.  I gained 15lbs, not 1500.

Tatum was a movie star only a few hours after leaving the womb!  Isn’t she beautiful?  Adam watched this before I posted it on here and was ecstatic to see his sweet sister.  Suffice it to say my camera will never have an off day from this point forward.

I’m sure there will be countless feeding videos later but it wasn’t happening this morning.  She’s so darn cute though I couldn’t help but keep filming her.

The sole purpose of these videos is to document the life of my little family while providing my children a lasting keepsake of memories….and a way for Adam and Tatum to know each other during this interim period of separation. With that being said, I’m not expecting anyone except my relatives and closest friends to be overly enthused about my YouTube endeavors, although I know some people have really enjoyed them.  So please let me know if you have any story suggestions as I am officially taking requests.  ;)

3 years ago today.  * R. i. P. *  Sean. 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Happy birthday, Sean….we miss you!

I know recent events have infuriated you....but I take comfort in the fact that the demon won't be released on your birthday as originally scheduled. We think of you constantly.

“Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep”
Mary Frye
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

 

This verdict is like a bad dream

Sean Krause, I miss you so. Your videos bring a smile to my face and a fighting spirit to my soul. Please go haunt Casey Anthony now.

I know there have been quite a few people– regardless of their opinions on Casey Anthony’s guilt or innocence– who believe that the prosecution did not meet their burden and the evidence was lacking. That’s precisely how jurors should analyze the information, as objectively as possible without succumbing to emotions and rampant speculation. However, I assert that there WAS ample evidence to warrant a guilty verdict on the charges of aggravated child abuse and aggravated manslaughter. Eventually I will share my reasoning [backed by evidence] with you as to why I believe the defendant is guilty….but I cannot even begin to give a time frame for when you should expect to see that due to its novel-length. The end is finally in sight for my piece on ‘Zanny The Nanny’– what a heartbreaking tale. Not only would Caylee still be alive if anyone ever insisted on meeting the fictitious caregivers but it speaks volumes about the bizarre family dynamic of the Anthony’s and how they cater to their pathological liar of a daughter.

[[ David Lohr – The Huffington Post ]]

Casey Anthony Juror: Sick To Our Stomachs Over Verdict

Legal Experts: Casey Will Be Released From Jail

If the defendant who got away with murder walks free tomorrow…..my mind just can’t even comprehend that.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Not guilty

Casey Anthony: NOT GUILTY.

Sickened, disgusted, frustrated, saddened, angered, betrayed…..all of these are adequate descriptions of my response to the verdict. One thing I am not, however, is shocked. From the very beginning I had a sinking feeling that the defendant would not be charged with murder in the first degree. Before I proceed let me refresh your memory on the exact charges and a brief description of each:

  • First degree murder: NOT GUILTY

    Subdivided into premeditated [planned and willful] or felony [a death occurs-- even if it is an accident-- from certain violent felonies such as kidnapping] though a distinction was not necessary nor did the jurors have to agree on which type of murder in the first degree

  • Aggravated child abuse: NOT GUILTY

    Committing an aggravated battery [intentionally causing physical harm] on a child; willfully torturing, maliciously punishing, or willfully and unlawfully caging a child; or knowingly and willfully abusing a child and in doing so causing great bodily harm, permanent disability, or permanent disfigurement

  • Aggravated manslaughter of a child: NOT GUILTY

    Recklessly causing the death of a minor under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to human life

  • (4 counts) Providing false information to a law enforcement officer: GUILTY

    I don’t think this requires an explanation.

* Summarizations from Florida attorney Richard Hornsby’s website

We won't forget you

Let’s not mince words here: you’d have to be a buffoon to NOT find Casey Anthony guilty of criminal activity. Her tangled web of lies and deceit shows a cunning young woman with little regard for anyone but herself. Undoubtedly– by her own admission– she told multiple fabrications to the police and lead them on a wild goose chase, so it’s no surprise she was indicted for those four charges. As for her treatment towards her precious daughter, whether you believe she was ‘merely a bad parent’ [and I put that in quotations only because neglecting and/or abusing her child were the least of her judicial concerns] or a cold-blooded killer who premeditated the murder of her daughter…..there is no question she was a terrible mother who resented her own flesh and blood for hindering the carefree lifestyle of a party girl that she so desperately wanted. Her appalling behavior as a person and failure as a parent should not go unpunished.

The jurors must be convinced that the prosecution proved beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant was guilty of each charge. As I previously stared, I did not think there would be a murder one charge because of the lack of hard evidence. All signs point to the defendant’s [I don't even want to use the bitch's name] guilt but our legal system requires a verdict derived from analysis of the facts and evidence directly presented in trial– not speculation or character analysis– even if it is blatantly obvious her hands are dirty. Leaving murder out of the equation…I think the state met the burden of proof for both charges of child abuse, so I was surprised at the acquittal there. Furthermore, I’ll never understand why negligence charges were not included, especially after the discovery of the fictitious ‘Zanny the Nanny.’  If there was no nanny, where was Caylee while Casey was out doing god knows what?!

Megan Childers, one of my close friends who has been following the trial since day one, shared my beliefs about the outcome of the verdict. She drew an interesting parallel to the West Memphis 3. People have been sentenced to death with a lot less evidence than we saw in this case, and it can also work the opposite way. Our justice system is deeply flawed….guilty people get away with murder and innocents are wrongfully accused and placed on death row.

The defendant’s verdict in the court of public opinion was reached long ago. She’ll never be able to live a normal life. What absolutely sickens me is the prospect of her using this trial for financial gain. If she profits from the loss of her little girl– death at her hands [although I do believe it was an accident]– I hope Caylee comes back to haunt her. Seeing her tears of happiness and her huge grin today made me want to vomit. Her cold, detached, and emotionless demeanor gave way to an overjoyed and victorious manipulator. Of course she’s happy! She wins. Not only did she get away with it, she’ll be out of prison in no time at all.

I'm so sorry, Caylee

If the ruling and the defendant’s behavior wasn’t nauseating enough– watching the grins and embraces of the defense and seeing Jose Baez’s press conference sent me over the edge. He’s just as smug and arrogant as she is. The nerve of him to sit there and start thanking his family [especially that wonderful sidebar in his native tongue] was so beyond inappropriate. How tacky. Thanking your family?! An innocent child was murdered, he acted like a charlatan in the courtroom, and he’s talking about how proud he is that his healthy and living kids will praise their Daddy for doing his job? Shame on you. It’s not the Academy Awards, jackass.

Her family’s reaction says it all: Lee didn’t even bother to attend. George and Cindy didn’t smile or hug each other, they walked out of the court with their heads down. Casey destroyed her family. They know she did it and they know she got away with it. Despite the fact that her mother perjured….even they know justice was not served.  Like many people I think George Anthony has details he’s not divulging– though I do feel an immense deal of sympathy [more for him than anyone else in that ridiculous family]– but I am confident that he did not ever molest his daughter nor did he cover up the ‘accidental drowning’ of his beloved granddaughter.

What terrifies me is the idea of the defendant having more children. You know there are men out there who have been writing her incessantly and would marry her. She’ll still be within the limits of her biological clock when she’s released. But honestly, I’m not too scared about that….because I don’t think she’ll be alive for long once she’s in the free world. I do not in any way condone violence– and especially not murder– but I have a strong feeling she will be shot and killed as she’s leaving prison or shortly thereafter. Too many people were affected so deeply by this case and are absolutely incensed over the acquittal. As terrible as this sounds, I would not be surprised if it was a suburban soccer mom who drives her kids around in a minivan that pulls the trigger. This case has affected people in ways I have never seen.

I know Sean Krause is rolling over in his grave right now. Forgive my strong language, but this verdict was a big F*CK YOU to Caylee. That poor little girl died…..for what? Nobody will ever pay the price for cutting her life short so cruelly and unnecessarily. And that is a tragedy of epic proportions. Caylee, people will never forget you, nor will they ever stop talking or demanding justice and accountability– your death will not be in vain. I’m so sorry they failed you today. Rest in peace, sweet angel.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Shirley McNair

Shirley D. McNair

Try as I might, I just can’t wrap my head around the concept of an afterlife, at least not in the traditional religious context. Despite any of my views regarding this topic….it comforts me and makes my heart happy to think of those who have passed away as angels. Yesterday another angel flew to the sky, Shirley McNair, my beloved friend’s [Sean Krause] mom. For cancer to strike this family twice in only two years is beyond cruel. May they draw together and find strength during this terrible time.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Opening arguments for Caylee

Caylee Marie Anthony

Throughout the day I incredulously observed the opening arguments for the murder trial of Casey Anthony.  I literally don’t even know where to begin sifting through the garbage I saw on television.  Let’s get one thing straight, however:  the defendant doesn’t deserve to be called by name.  Nancy Grace refers to her as ‘tot mom’– I’m not even giving her that courtesy.  She’s a monster, not a mother.  Vile and wicked defendant [VWD] is what we shall call that heinous piece of waste from this point forward.  Justice for Caylee is what this trial is all about….the focus must not deviate towards the lies and theatrics propagated by the defense. 

Can you believe it’s finally here, Sean?  Three years ago we were brought together in those daily chats about this unprecedented case and the loss of a beautiful toddler’s life.  You amassed so much evidence and intelligent opinions– your [albeit reluctant] connection with Cindy was a turning point for this investigation.  I know you would have been a star witness for the prosecution.  My promise to you is that I will see this trial through to the end– and I will never cease on my quest for truth and justice.  We think of you now more than ever.  Rest in peace, my dear friend.

So the sleazy imbeciles that constitute the defense team want us to believe that Caylee accidentally drowned in the family swimming pool on June 16th, 2008?  That George molested VWD as a child?  And the entire family knew Caylee was deceased before they discovered her remains in December?

I call bullshit.

As a former member of law enforcement, George Anthony knows what to do when he sees a person– much less his beloved granddaughter– in distress.  Not only is he familiar with CPR but he understands it is imperative to call 911 during an emergency.  Losing a child is horrific yet sometimes tragic accidents occur.  It makes absolutely no sense to embark on a nationwide manhunt for a ‘missing’ girl if the entire family knows she is deceased.  Such an elaborate hoax is a waste of valuable time and resources, why would they even go through the motions– especially at the expense of incriminating their own daughter?  The now-infamous “it smells like there’s been a dead body in the damn car” phone call from Cindy did VWD no favors.

Additionally, the duct tape found wrapped around the mouth and nose of little Caylee’s remains were placed pre-mortem.  If she drowned in the pool, how does the tape factor into that equation?  Nothing about this swimming pool death makes any sense to me.  If your child was hit by a car [or drowned in a pool or fell from a tree], you would scream and panic and call for help.  Even if you were outside and witnessed the accident that does not make you a negligent parent because you could not prevent it.  Nobody would blame you and the response would be overwhelmingly sympathetic.  Why dispose of the body from an ‘accidental’ death, mull over this information for a month, and then report the child missing.  Have I mentioned this makes absolutely no sense?

For the longest time I thought the entire Anthony clan was white trash on parade.  Their ever-conflicting stories, hostile attitudes, lack of empathy [at least for some of them], and their general actions made me ill.  Granted there is no textbook example for how to handle the complicated process of grief but the Anthony’s are the textbook example of how NOT to behave in a time of crisis.  Every day introduced a new act in the three-ring circus that depicted this ludicrous family.

Now I cannot help but feel immense sympathy for George.  That poor man, completely and totally thrown under the bus by his callous daughter.  Not only has he been put through the wringer with the obvious discord in his marriage, his daughter potentially facing death row, and a suicide attempt, but he molested his own daughter?!  Give me a break.  VWD has no problems whatsoever leading police on a wild goose chase for a fictitious nanny yet she suddenly concocts a story about sexual abuse as a child when she’s squirming in the hot seat so people will pity her?  I’m not buying it– and neither is anyone else.  From day one VWD’s ‘poor me’ attitude has been on full display and the irony is not lost on me that allegations of  incest are just now surfacing.

Certainly I am not the only one who recalls the videos of VWD’s parents visiting her in jail.  A claim of abuse stands in stark contrast to the words and interactions viewers witnessed on the tapes.  VWD says something to the effect of– and I paraphrase– “I am so lucky to have you.  Caylee is so lucky to have you.”  She wipes away tears and whines profusely, appealing to her father to help her.  As spoiled and self-absorbed as VWD, I truly believe [especially considering the fact that she was initially oblivious that she was being recorded] she would be using any leverage and every bargaining tool she possibly could with her parents,  yet there are zero hints of anything but a happy childhood.  George is by no means immune from any wrong doing and is worthy of extreme scrutiny…..but as of press time my heart aches for him.

Watching VWD shake her head infuriated me.  Of course this was not unexpected, and neither was the smug demeanor of Jose Baez.  I’d smack the smirk right off of his arrogant face if I was anywhere within a ten mile radius of him.  How does arrogant bastard sleep at night?  He and VWD are a match made in heaven– or should I say hell– with all of their private sidebars and smiles.  They make me want to vomit.  I’ll end this tirade right here because I could easily write a book why Baez is the scum of the earth.  Or maybe I should instead focus my ire on the defense attorney who is married to that serial killer rapist…..conflict of interest, anyone?  But I digress.

Overall I think the defense has made a grave error:  insulting the jury’s intelligence.  The scenario they offered reeks of desperation, their grasping for straws.  I know unequivocally if I was a juror I would be extremely offended and feel I was being played for a fool.  Turning a grieving father and grandfather into a molester who lies pathologically is not a wise move.  Let them paint a picture of VWD as a loving and caring mother….photos, written transcripts, internet searches, and security photos will prove otherwise.  It’s time to end the circus surrounding poor Caylee’s death.  The people are ready for motive, reason, facts– and most of all, answers.

Due to my recent health issues I am not working outside of the home.  I spend as much time as possible watching the daily coverage of the trial, yet I cannot view it as often as I would like because I am busy with an active toddler and general life circumstances.  If you are my friend on Facebook, please see the note I have written called ‘Caylee Anthony’ or contact me through this blog if you are interested in being my eyes and ears for this case when I am unable to do so.  I’d love to assemble a team– much like we did when we first heard Caylee was missing– to have daily discussions where we analyze courtroom highlights and offer our own personal opinions.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane