I’m baaack….again.

08 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Cocktails With Hemingway, Creepers, Homesick, Maternity Leave, Memphis, Pregnancy, Relaxation

I struggled valiantly to maintain my two weeks of blogging silence.  Seven days into it I succumbed to my addiction.  Stuck all alone in my apartment– confined to the couch nonetheless– without Cocktails With Hemingway launches my brain into overdrive.  Those thoughts belong here so I can attempt in vain to maintain relaxation mode for my mind.  Offers poured in from my church family and shelter friends for company and help around the house….but I desperately needed this time to disengage, decompress, and think quietly.  Thank you endlessly to all who offered their friendship and assistance and please don’t take it personally that I declined.  Half of my heart is missing and it’s impossible to fill the void. 

If he can't be in the car with my loaded gun....getting his nails did with me is the next best thing!

Bed rest.  Sigh.  What a love/hate relationship.  Have I mentioned yet that I am eagerly anticipating my return to work?  I fully realize now that this mandate is imperative for Tatum’s final weeks in the womb and my own health….so I’ve accepted it and try to honor the terms as much as possible.  It’s difficult, insanely boring, and– worst of all– I feel crippled when it comes to fighting for Adam.  Missing our Friday ritual [due to my hospitalization] was one of the most painful things I’ve experienced in a long time.  For a variety of reasons I try to express my anguish only in the vaguest of terms but do you have any idea how hard it is to be relatively silent about something that consumes your every waking moment and even your dreams?

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Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t recall being governed by hormones during my first pregnancy.  Round two leaves me feeling as though I am a hormonal mess who is stressed beyond comprehension.  And I’m so homesick it physically hurts.  Case in point:  I read about a Memphis mother who left her 4 year old, 2 year old, and 9 month old in a running car while she went inside to get a manicure.  The middle child got a hold of Mommy’s loaded gun and pointed it at a concerned cop performing a welfare check.  A search of the vehicle also revealed a big ol’ bag of weed.  After finishing the story I burst into tears.  Not because of the appalling ‘parenting’ of this woman, not because I was relieved that her kids were in a safe place, not because she went (back) to jail [though of course all those things were true]….but because I wished I was in Memphis.  You can only imagine how the floodgates were unleashed once I heard that Mo’ Money Taxes scammed a bunch of people.  My heart yearns for my hometown!

[[ Sloane's Note:  Memphis is not some vast ghetto wasteland comprised of trashy, ignorant morons.  It's a vibrant city rich with history and culture.  There are countless incredible individuals doing incredible things for an incredible place.  But I was born and raised here so it's okay for me to poke fun.  If you diss my city, however, prepare to incur my wrath-- unless of course you're from there too. ]]

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  It’s confession time.  Remember when I shared with you that I eliminated my Feedjit tracker?  I lied.  Not only does the [hidden] tracker remain but I paid for an upgrade so I could pinpoint exactly who’s reading this.  I could care less about the innocuous creepers– Hey B!  Hi J!  Greetings to a certain ex’s entire family!– they don’t bother me.  My decision to closely monitor the page views stems from my desire to see who’s paying attention in the county of San Luis Obispo.  Don’t think for a second that I don’t know my audience and tailor my posts accordingly.  ;)

Do you have Pinterest?  I’ve found that it’s a great way to kill time.  Because, you know, there simply isn’t enough on the internet to keep the average person entertained with mindless drivel.  Apparently most of my friends that I follow are obsessed with weddings, food, and exercise.  Interesting combinations.  In comparison to most of the folks I follow, I don’t have very many boards.  The ones I do have are sparse.  I’ll just add that to my never ending list of internet duties, enhancing my Pinterest boards for your viewing pleasure.  Warning:  it becomes addictive quickly.

Excuse my obscenely short shorts. As I was finishing my junior year of college when I gave birth, Adam and I spent lots of time in comfy clothes 'doing homework.'

I am the queen of detailing my future blogging plans….only to let them fall by the wayside.  Whether I forget, run out of time, or a combination of the two, it’s not getting done.  So my commitment to you is that within the next few days you will hear about a horrific ordeal that happened to one of my best friends, ‘push presents,’ an example of my crippling anxiety, the monumental decision regarding Tatum’s birth, and my thoughts on the latest Teen Mom 2.  Did you really expect any sort of linear thought pattern with this girl?

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Bedrest, court, and whiny creepers

25 Jan 2012 2 Comments

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Court, Creepers, Legal issues, Obsession [bad], Single mama, The Wee One

Here he was four months. Now my baby is almost four years.

Today marks the first day of my maternity leave and the beginning of my [official] bed rest.  Much to my dismay I didn’t spend my Wednesday sprawled out in bed– on my left side of course– stuffing my face with cheese and red bell peppers while catching up on my Netflix queue.  An early morning call from my attorney necessitated a brief appearance in court.  I drafted a letter to the judge and commenced the pre-court ritual [which consists of meditation, prayer, and dirty rap music] until my chariot arrived at noon.

A pulmonary embolism and/or heart attack doesn’t tickle my fancy this evening so let’s address the legal stuff in ten sentences or less and be done with it:

1)  I was in a bit of hot water for contacting Will via email on multiple occasions. 

[[Sidenote:  My reasons for doing so were to plead with him to sign over his parental rights to my parents so they could adopt Adam and get him out of this system ASAP-- I know I went about this the wrong way, but can you fault a desperate mother willing to do anything to get her child out of harm's way?]]

2)  I was in a lot of hot water for my “uncooperative” attitude.

3)  Some folks don’t like it very much when you openly challenge them, question their policies, and assert yourself so it was determined that I was “not in compliance with my plan” and needed “further treatment.”

4)  My attorney liked my letter but wanted to make sure I knew it would infuriate the powers that be even more….

5)  We submitted it anyway.

6)  It goes without saying we contested the six month progress review and a full hearing has been set for several hours on March 14th.

7)  I may or may not be present at said hearing depending on where I am in the recovery process after giving birth.

8)  This is the opportunity for our expert witnesses to take the stand.

Napping on his beloved Gigi

Adam’s school took a field trip to Pismo Beach to see the monarch butterflies.  What an awesome experience!  I kept the image of him– laughing and squealing with delight from the butterflies– in my mind all day.  Mommy’s trying her  hardest, little man.  May this inspire you in your later years to be a crusader for justice.

Sometimes I find myself completely overwhelmed by my pessimistic attitude….and then I remind myself what a strong and resilient woman I am.  My children are strong and resilient too.  I’ve been a single mother for more than three quarters of Adam’s life and am fully prepared to raise both of my kids with this family structure.  Reminiscing over Adam’s baby photos reminds me that our family is still young and we will overcome.

Some of you may have noticed that my phone was shut off today.  The cellular benefactor informed this morning via email:  “I can’t see your blog, yo.”  To which I responded:  “That’s because it’s privatized, yo.”  Shortly after sending my reply I attempted to call my attorney only to hear an automated voice telling me that my service was suspended.  Maturity at its finest.  Perhaps I should have reminded the fellow that when a blog is private it means nobody can see it….but when a person is that dramatic I doubt it would have mattered much anyway.  Within the next day or so I’ll have a new number so in the meantime call my house if you need me.

A few bullet points to address the situation then it will never be mentioned again:

–  ‘Whiny,’ ‘needy,’ and ‘clingy’ are not words you want describing you as an adult.  Those are words for children.

–  If you wish to give me a gift or offer to pay for something of mine, it should be just that….a gift.  No strings attached.  Threatening to revoke said gift because I remove you from my Facebook is absolutely ridiculous.  Actually revoking said gift because I privatized my blog makes me frightened for you.  With those bad manners and juvenile tantrums, you might not pass kindergarten this year.

–  Unless you’ve been living under a rock these past few months, you’ll know that I have been trapped in a living hell.  My children and my legal situation, respectively, are my priorities.  Did I also mention I have a job that’s very important to me?  Suffice it to say I’m stressed to the max, very busy, depressed, worried, frustrated, and for the most part feeling quite helpless.  All of those aforementioned emotions are quite negative.  If you’re adding to any of them, I don’t want to speak to you, period.  It’s irrelevant whether you’re one of my closest friends or an acquaintance.  My health and sanity comes first and if you’re not helping, I’ll cut you off in a heartbeat.  What kind of selfish and insecure person complains that I don’t give them enough attention and 24/7 access to my world with everything that’s been happening to me?  How dare you?  Get over yourself.

– To all the females who has been offended by said person, I do apologize.  But it’s not my problem anymore so I can’t help you there!

I just spent way too much time dignifying a person who wants nothing more than attention.  Hopefully they enjoyed it because that’s the last bit of recognition they’ll ever get from yours truly.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m FINALLY off to my bed rest.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Screw you, Lord Megatron

13 Jul 2011 6 Comments

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Creepers, Films, Obsession [bad]

Idiocy at its finest

Some of my fondest memories throughout childhood and my teenage years involve going to the movies with my cousins and dad. We’ve purchased advanced tickets, waited in lines on opening day that wrapped around the theater, and rushed the concession stand to stock up on goodies– all of us were very well versed in all things cinema. I’ve been interested in film for as long as I can remember.

While my tastes have changed and expanded throughout the years, the rare excursion [have you looked at ticket prices lately?!] to Malco delights me, especially if it’s a film where the audience’s energy is almost palpable. Most exhilarating of all of these are series…..Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc.

Let me tell you one franchise that will never get a dime of my money: Transformers. Michael Bay has made a career of blowing stuff up so I’m sure I won’t have to look far to find something else to satiate my appetite for destruction. Other than Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox I have no idea who stars in them, so it’s no aversion to the actors, though I’m not particularly familiar wither either one of them. It’s not even the premise, either. Machines are cars that turn into robots with mass firepower. Woohoo! Certainly it’s not realistic but I’ve heard of concepts much more far-fetched.

Why do I despise Transformers so? Because the person who stalked and harassed me for years loves it. That alone is enough to make me vow to never watch any of them. I’ll literally change the channel if I stumble across a preview. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Lord Megatron. All I know is that he is a character/transformer/whatever the hell you call them. However, Lord Megatron doesn’t just grace the screen at your local multiplex or bounce around on the pages of your comic books! My stalker referred to himself as…..Lord Megatron. Apparently the arch-nemesis [bookmark this term because I'll revisit it later] of Lord Megaton is some sort of Octagon Prime– really?!– and that was me. Even though I’m cracking up as I type this there’s absolutely nothing funny about it because this deranged lunatic took my peace of mind and did not stop until the police were involved.

In retrospect I realize there were glaring red flags regarding Lord Megatron’s behavior, most of which stemmed from his obsession with superheroes, villains, and comic books. I know plenty of sane, well-liked, and socially adept individuals– of all ages and genders– who collect comic books and have a healthy appreciation for superheroes. This is normal. Who hasn’t emulated a superhero, especially as a child? Not to suggest this is something you should ‘grow out of’…..I know I can’t sit through a Spiderman movie without wishing webs could shoot from my fingertips while I leap tall buildings in a single bound, scale vertical surfaces, fly all over the globe, and save the world on my off day. Doesn’t everyone want that?! I no longer read comics [back in the day I had quite the Betty & Veronica collection] though I certainly don’t think anything less of people who enjoy them, especially graphic novels or those illustrated stories with a more complicated plot better suited for adults.

My problem is when people’s obsession with superheroes, villains, and comics becomes entwined with their perception, thus skewing their version of reality. In the case of Lord Megatron, he was so caught up in his fantasy world he could not distinguish fact from fiction. Not only is this unhealthy but it has the potential to become dangerous. Whether it’s comic books, video games, or anything else– a hobby should not evolve into a delusion. Please do not read this and go assault that geeky heterosexual boy who would not detach himself from World of Warcraft if a beautiful, naked woman was two feet away from him just dying to take his V card….but be mindful of those who do not seem fully grounded in reality. Whether it’s stalkers or rapists or serial killers, I’ve found that there is a noticeable detachment in these types even if these people can retain some semblance of normalcy and function in the world relatively well.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane [a.k.a. Octagon Prime]