I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I refuse to let ‘California’ define our family. Rising above this unfair and inaccurate portrayal is central to the recovery mission. Does it consume me? Absolutely. Are my children feeling the effects if it? You betcha. Is it a safe assumption to say I’m enraged? Don’t even get me started.
To make Cocktails With Hemingway a permanent, highly visible documentation of our family’s Dark Ages is not only counterproductive to my mission– but a disservice to my kids, myself, and the numerous supporters we have during this trying time. By the same token it is my blog; thus, it is an extension of who I am and my need to express myself through writing. Authenticity is imperative. Yet maintaining a sense of balances proves equally important.
Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact I laugh often and never fail to see the humor in any situation. I count my blessings daily and try to stay positive. Miraculously, I still believe in the inherent good of people.
Learning occupies most of my time here, particularly language and geology. I know enough Spanish to have basic conversations and ask questions. Fulfilling a lifelong dream, I have commenced my study of Russian and the Cyrillic alphabet. Not only is my rock collection impressive, I’m about to launch my foray into rock tumbling– and even make my own tumbler! Hours of research and meticulous preparation earned me a PhD in geology. Never mind the fact that my ‘university’ involves a Google/iPhone app curriculum hybrid.
CWS does not dominate my conversations. Despite the severity of my depression, that smile you see on my face isn’t fake. I’m not sulking about as I quote Nietzsche or channeling my rage into a radical plot to overthrow the government. The very fact that I’ve managed to make productive use of my time [while retaining my sanity nonetheless] serves as a testament to the power of love, family, courage, strength, and resiliency.
I sure as hell haven’t lost my fire. Pain may have snuffed out the flame– temporarily– but there are countless ways to ignite the spark.
With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,