Child ‘Protective’ Services – CPS | Cocktails With Hemingway

Mother’s Day 2013

12 May 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Blessings, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Cousins, Family, Holidays, Inspiration, Kids, Maris- my soul sister, Miracles, Mother's Day, Motherhood, Parenting, Restaurants, San Luis Obispo County, Single mama, Support, Tatum, Unconventional Parenting Tags: Family, Interim, Memphis, Mothers, Reunion

“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.” ~ Oscar Wilde

I could not ask for a better day.

Allow me to extend my heartfelt gratitude and sincere appreciation to all the moms out there. Whether you relaxed with breakfast in bed, got pampered with a pedicure, took a nap, or went about business as usual….thank you for all that you do. A mother is a woman who raises, nurtures, and guides a child whether it grows within you or not. Let me take this opportunity to tell my own mom how much I love her. MeMae, Aunt Sarah, Maris, Danielle, and all the other women in my life who are Mommies– much love to you all.

Now THIS is a great card!

Last year I spent Mother’s Day curled up in the fetal position, alone in my apartment in California, weeping. Thank God that chapter of my life is ancient history. My only ‘complaints’ about today involve Tatum’s tummy bug and Adam’s video game snafu. Our morning consisted of brunch at Interim with my beloved parents, cousins [and Kat], and Aunt Sarah & Uncle Tommy. Next, Dad and I took Adam to go see the Robert Downey Jr. movie which made both mother and son very happy campers.

Adam Harrison Reed and Tatum Maris Reed made me a mother. No words even begin to describe the love I have for my two precious children. Hands down, they are the best things I’ve ever done– what a tremendous honor to know I played 50% of the role in their creation!– and the best things I will ever do.

We may not always see eye to eye…but my mother is my best friend and personal hero.

The only card better than our united family’s creation are the cards Adam created for me. Is there anything more precious than your child’s artwork?! He made two cards [with the help of Little John] which you see below. I love the way he nailed my black hair– at least that was its color until several days ago– and glasses. As for my skin tone, perhaps he’s trying to tell me that I belong on Jersey Shore? Or maybe he’s seen too many chola chicks in California? We may never know.

My coloring looks a little off…

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Sacramento Failed Matthew Hernandez

19 Mar 2013 1 Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in * R. i. P. *, Activism, Anger, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Child Abuse, Controversy, Crime, Criminals, Domestic Violence, Drugs, Fail, Frustration, Gestapo, Grief, Injustice, Legal, Legal issues, Outrage, Parenting, Poor Decisions, Upset Tags: Family Court, Jessica Rose Hernandez, Judge Sharon A. Lueras, Matthew Hernandez

What sort of despicable creature kills their son in cold blood with a hatchet? Only a monster– pure evil that is incomprehensible to the rest of us– could murder their own child.

Matthew Hernandez

Monsters exist everywhere. No part of the world escapes heinous acts from the vilest of criminals. The gruesome end to 9 year old Matthew’s life is a tragedy, one that could have happened anywhere, in any region or country. Killer Philip Hernandez could have been a resident of Delaware or Texas or North Dakota, anywhere besides California. Yet as grieving mother Jessica Hernandez will tell you….the state of California does not always act in the best interests of its most vulnerable population.

Cases such as Jessica’s are the extreme, but her allegations [evidence blatantly ignored in the courtroom, denial of basic rights, various forms of discrimination, etc.] echo throughout the state, a common denominator amongst far too many cases. Between Family Court, Child ‘Welfare’ Services, and the foster care system– something is very wrong here.

Jessica Hernandez and her two sons

The undeniable truth: Sacramento courts failed Jessica Hernandez and her son– at the cost of the young boy’s life. A judge chose to disregard crucial information and that irresponsible decision cost a family dearly. She’s not the first judge to do so. Nor will she be the last. To whom are these authority figures judges, social workers, civil servants answering? Other than contesting a verdict via the appeals process, what choice does one have when they know something is wrong? Why must children suffer at the hands of adults supposedly entrusted with their protection?

REFORM AMONGST THE FAMILY LAW COURTS, CWS, AND FOSTER CARE IS IMPERATIVE– THE NEED IS URGENT AND THE TIME IS NOW.

MBC1

05 Mar 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in A woman's Right to choose, Anxiety, Birth control, Blogs, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Child Abuse, Death Penalty, Etc., Facebook, Feminism, GLBT issues, Goals, Guilty Pleasures, Injustice, Kids, Legal, Passion, Race, Reproductive health, Sloane, Social Justice, Women

• March Blog Challenge •
Day 1: A self portrait + 5 random facts

My friend, Preston, captured this image in 2005 during a spring photo shoot at the historic Peabody Hotel in Memphis. Megan Childers [favorite roomie and actual roomie at the time!] served as my partner in crime. We frolicked around downtown, laughing and feeling famous as we played model. I adored my strapless , formfitting dress. It made me feel glamorous and feminine– a radical departure from my tomboy style– and I distinctly remember a sense of maturity that was otherwise foreign to my 19 year old college self. The red dress with black polka dots gave me a figure [prior to my childbearing curves I rocked the physique of a fifth grade boy], much to my delight. Overall I felt stylish, elegant, sassy, playful…and exhausted. This was one of the last pictures Preston snapped. I love the way my multicolored bracelets [to this day I still wear dozens of them] are visible. Getting dolled up without compromising my identity created lasting memories. It was a fun day during a very fun time in my life.

If the phone rings at my favorite newspaper, I answer it, regardless of employment status. Maris took this picture of me at my old desk taking a call during my last trip home [December 2012]. Note the Jersey Shore shirt.

I uploaded a “25 Random Facts About Me” note to Facebook three years ago. Ten items didn’t make the cut whereas I copied the rest. Present day commentary is italicized.

#1) In case you haven’t noticed, I live on my own planet most of the time. My little universe consists of a plethora of books/magazines [I'd rather read than talk], abundant internet usage, and immersing myself in whatever captivates me at the moment….but I always come back to reality and get things done. Well, most of the time.
I cringe now as I read that statement. While every word is true, it is not immediately clear that I am describing ‘me’ time versus family time. My children get 100% of my focus 100% of the time. I just can’t say the same for adults.

#2) Two of my worst vices are celebrity gossip [I check Perez Hilton religiously- heaven forbid I miss out on important news] and really bad television. Especially MTV. 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom 1 & 2, Jersey Shore, True Life– I can’t get enough. For the longest time I tried to keep this ‘problem’ under wraps. Yet one day during a 3000-level philosophy class on campus an Us Weekly fell out of my backpack. Busted. I decided then to embrace it.
It’s been almost a year since I’ve had cable and the funds for magazines so I’ve learned to do without…except People magazine and the free TMZ app.

#3) I was adopted at birth. Overall I’m quite indifferent to this fact. I’m not upset or harboring resentment, I’ve just never really cared. However, I am currently in the process of obtaining medical records for the sake of Adam.
Those efforts were suspended due to an unexpected fee and will continue as soon as I am able.

#4) Through my family I can claim Reese Witherspoon, Mark Twain, and John McCain as my relatives or people that have married into our cozy bunch.
That hasn’t changed.

#5) Sports are not my cup of tea. But I do enjoy playing hockey and water polo and watching motocross.
That hasn’t changed either.

#6) I am a sucker for a Bloody Mary or a Red Stripe beer.
Mmm….

#7) If I could have any ‘superhero power,’ I would choose to be fluent in every language that ever existed and would speak them all frequently.
I wish.

#8) Cotton balls terrify me and I refuse to touch them. As for other phobias, I hate flying, but I have to do it…I’m a nervous wreck on board an aircraft vessel. You do not want to sit next to me.
Oprah had a woman on her now defunct talk show who shared my irrational fear. Oprah also said San Luis Obispo was the happiest place in America. Boy, do I have some bombshells for Ms. Winfrey….

#9) Communication is my weakest link. I hate talking on the phone. I won’t call you unless it’s an emergency. Texting isn’t my forte either. Please don’t ever take it personally if I’m not the best at speaking with you and can never initiate a conversation.
Why can’t we all just email each other?

#10) To say I am a liberal is an understatement. Women’s issues [especially pro-choice ones], safety for children, rights of LGBT individuals, equality, justice, compassion, kindness, peace, liberty….these things are so important to me.
Add to this list a massive overhaul of Child ‘Welfare” Services. Reforms in Family Court. Protect those innocent kids who did nothing to deserve such a fate.

#11) I am painfully shy. Sometimes it takes me years to warm up to people. But once you get me started, I don’t stop! I’m like a sponge. I sit quietly and absorb everything.
Sarcasm is a virtue and silence is golden. Both are also my defense mechanisms.

#12) If you really want to see me panic, give me ‘bad’ attention. An example of bad attention is a surprise party or servers singing to me in a crowded restaurant. ‘Good’ attention includes public speaking and/or recognition for my accomplishments.
It’s a fine line between praise and panic attack.

#13) Currently I have 9 tattoos and plan on getting at least 9 more. Sorry, Mom and Dad. All of my tattoos are in black ink. I don’t do colors. They are beautiful on others but not for me. My tattoos are words and symbols as opposed to illustrations.
Now I have 13.

#14) Writing is my passion. I will be published. There are too many stories I have to tell and topics to explore for me to remain silent.
AMEN.

#15) I am such a daredevil. This has toned down significantly since I became a mother but I’ll do anything to get an adrenaline rush.
I can’t wait to leap from a plane in the Memphis sky, parachute through the Memphis air, and land on the Memphis ground.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

First Birthday Parties

03 Mar 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Anger, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Family, Frustration, Gestapo, Heartbreak, Homesick, Injustice, Love, Motherhood, Outrage, Parenting, Sibling love, Stress, Tatum, Unconventional Parenting, Upset

Time flies. Where has this past year gone? I feel as though I barely know my daughter. My son has never met his sister. Child ‘Welfare’ Services in San Luis Obispo County failed my children on such a colossal scale. They restricted my parental access, forcibly separated our family, and attempted to drive a wedge between Adam and me. And they failed miserably. Our bond transcends all. Tatum will meet her brother. These obstacles strengthen the unbreakable connection of our family. With time we will heal.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing that beautiful smile. Her laughter and excitement reminds me daily that I made the right– the only– decision. I sacrificed one child to save another.

Even sharing pictures of Tatum’s first birthday party can’t happen without a bitter taste in my mouth. At least she enjoyed her cake.

A photo summary of first birthdays:

Since we’ve been in California….
Tatum was born. Adam’s fourth birthday came and went. I turned 27. Maris and Theresa threw Tatum a party to celebrate her first year of life. In a few weeks Adam turns five. All milestones during which we were separated when we should have been together.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Fettuccine and hippos

20 Feb 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Family, Food, Italian, Unconventional Parenting

Last Friday’s visit with Adam was our first in San Luis Obispo. I suggested the SLO Children’s Museum– neither one of us had ever been– and we absolutely loved it. Truth be told, Adam was a bit young to fully appreciate some of the exhibits [there is a preschool play area on the top floor that's perfect for entertaining any wee ones not blinded by science], but who doesn’t enjoy three floors of cool stuff to touch and climb?! I’d highly recommend it for anyone with children 3+.

Of course the hurricane wind simulator caught Adam’s eye immediately. After I emerged unscathed from my test run, he agreed to come with me. All it took was one windy round as a pair– and he rode solo the next three times.

There aren’t too many places in this area where a child can be an astronaut, actor, and perform on stage with animals simultaneously.

If not for the excessively loud children that arrived shortly after him then he probably would have stayed up here most of the time.

He showed very little interest in the boats but was attempting to prolong our visit. I just really like this picture.

Somebody clearly inherited Mommy’s penchant for pasta. Our mutual favorite foods consist of noodles drenched in various sauces. When Adam requested fettuccine Alfredo for lunch, I knew nothing else would suffice. Mama’s Meatball satiated our craving. He inhaled the giant dish, graciously allowing me several bites while he was eating [and the tiny portion of boxed leftovers], and bragged that he could eat over a hundred bowls in one sitting.

Few things surpass the joy of encountering a faux hippopotamus on the back patio of a museum. With the exception of the live animal version at the Memphis Zoo, we’ve never stood face to face with Mommy’s favorite animal. Cue astounded ‘whoa!’ faces.

The sunglasses that launched 1000 emotions….

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Dread

24 Jan 2013 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Anxiety, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Court, Heartbreak, Legal issues, Motherhood, Politics, Stress, Unconventional Parenting, Upset

How can you look at these faces and not smile?

Tomorrow marks my first appearance in Family Court since the spring of last year. CWS presents their final recommendation for Adam’s custody and placement. Your prayers and support make all the difference.

Let my children and their best interests prevail….bring Adam home.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,
Sloane

Friday the 13th

13 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Anxiety, Being broke, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Employment, Gestapo, HC, Homesick, JiLTED, Legal, Online Materials, Tatum

Visits with Adam give me strength.

Rise Magazine is by and for parents affected by the Child Welfare System. Both the Editor and the Editorial Director thought I had some very interesting stories to tell. I’m absolutely delighted to share with you that Rise accepted my submission packet and they’ll be publishing my w0rk! As of now I’ll be doing several pieces for them– hopefully that number will multiply as time progresses– and am so thrilled to have this incredible opportunity to share my experiences with others.

It is with tremendous sadness that I must inform you I no longer work for the church. Although I resigned [and I truly loved the job] it was an amicable parting of ways. Because I try valiantly to keep my personal and professional lives private, my coworkers were largely in the dark about the magnitude of my situation. I owed them the respect of being straightforward. They did not realize that the second Adam’s free [whether he is returned to me or adopted by my parents]– whenever that may be– I am renting a U-Haul, packing my stuff, and driving back to Memphis immediately. We all agreed that my focus should be getting Adam and reuniting my family as soon as possible. Since I had not yet resumed work following my maternity leave, it made sense that this would be an appropriate time to make my departure. What a tremendous honor it was to work for them.

My phenomenal coworkers, the church, and the countless individuals with servant’s hearts and infinite kindness I met through this special place will receive their own post at a later date.

Bills aren’t going to pay themselves, however. I’m actively searching and have already started the interview circuit for two part-time jobs. Not to sell myself short….but I’m not overly concerned with finding a position that is indicative of my experience and education. Find me a place I can start TOMORROW and where I’m perfectly expendable.

Tatum, 7 weeks

Remember those pesky bruised ribs and that partially collapsed left lung I discussed? The ribs still hurt like hell, my lung hasn’t gotten any better [though thankfully not any worse], and now I have severe bronchitis which is in danger of escalating into pneumonia. Awesome.

I refrained from mentioning last week’s visitation debacle with Adam on my blog. Facebook friends certainly got an earful but I just didn’t have the energy to rehash the upsetting and infuriating ordeal here. One component of said debacle involved a ‘visitation agreement’ the social worker demanded I sign under threat of having my visits revoked entirely. I refused. Today I took a red pen– like the kind teachers use for grading papers– and modified 5 of the 18 statements on the document. Upon giving it to our supervisor I asked her if she would be so kind as to pass it on to the social worker and if she agreed with my changes then I’d love to put my John Hancock on the bottom of it.

Exciting legal things are happening. Without divulging too much information, all I can say is that Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C are in effect. In the courtroom, behind the scenes, on the web….people are fighting for Adam.

No words can describe the hell I’ve endured since I returned to California alone. Pure agony. It’s a cruel and unusual punishment where the ones who truly suffer are my two innocent children. Despite all the suffering, something’s changed recently: I have a feeling fr0m deep within that this nightmare will be over soon, that we’re not going to be here very much longer.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

April showers

10 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Tatum

Tatum's first Easter. Wish I could have been there...

Until I leave this state, I will never be able to speak freely on my blog. Countless other outlets exist for my writing– short stories, my diary, etc.– yet it upsets me greatly to think that I can’t use Cocktails With Hemingway to share myself with you. One day I will be able to write about this time in my life. And if I can use those words to give somebody hope, encourage a person to take a stand for the things that matter most to them, or expose CPS for what they do to families….then my mission is fulfilled.

I am too scared to even reference postpartum depression here for fear it will somehow be used against me.

What comforts me most during this hellish ordeal is the fact that I’ve already won: THE GESTAPO DID NOT GET MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!

I’m being punished in ways I never thought possible for this decision, but Tatum is safe. She is home. Her loving and stable environment is where I cannot wait to take Adam. Anyone with his best interests at heart would want him back in Memphis. Tragically, Adam is nothing but a paycheck and a case number to the adults in his life supposedly ‘protecting’ him [with the exception of relatives and friends], and I want nothing more than to make sure he is safe with Tatum. Why won’t anyone help my innocent little boy who did nothing to deserve the nightmare that has been thrust upon him?

2000 miles away Adam celebrates Easter without his sister

Never in a million years did I know the reality facing me until I came home to my empty apartment. I won’t say it was easy but it was…bearable…when I was focused on Chrissy and her needs in San Luis Obispo. If not for my boyfriend, Seth, and a few other people I don’t even know how I would handle this. And I’m still terrified to even hint at the slightest possibility that I’m not handling things well because I refuse to give ‘the department’ any ammunition.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Back in business

01 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in * R. i. P. *, Adam, Angels, Boo, California, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, HC, Relationships

My son's 4th birthday party

March ended 38 minutes ago. Good riddance.

I left my daughter– not even a month old– in Tennessee with my parents to return to California alone. Adam turned four years old. Thanks to the generosity of ‘the department’ I was allowed to attend his birthday party at Round Table Pizza in Atascadero. Ashlyn passed away followed by our sweet Lottie. Friends were made. Friends were lost. A new attorney was obtained. I miss my kids. I miss my kids. I miss my kids. Did I mention I miss my kids?

Life as a whole right now is agonizing….the depression cripples me. I can barely function. Yet I have one area where I am immensely happy. And I deserve this happiness. ‘Boo’ and I made it official and I’m proud to call him my boyfriend. He’s so neat.

I have to pinch myself with him. Choosing appropriate male suitors has never been one of my strong suits. What a welcome change to have an intelligent, stable, and hard working man in my life who treats me with respect. Despite 2000 miles separating us, I can honestly say that [with the obvious exception of being with my children] I’d much rather talk on the phone or Skype with him than do anything else. T0 be able to have somebody so supportive– and encouraging– of my situation means the world to me. I’m not about to let my love life distract me from my mission to save Adam, but I cannot even begin to articulate how wonderful it is to have him on my team. He’s so supportive of my goals and I look forward to what the future holds.

Adam's sister, Tatum, whom he has never met.

Note to self: post the photos from Chelsea Dean’s photo shoot of Tatum at Neshoba. I also commit to blogging at least once a day until I start to make a dent in all the things on my mind.

Thank God I resume work on Monday. Several days ago I went to the church to talk to M about new developments and the impending Easter rush. As soon as I walked in the Pastor gave me a hug and said “welcome home.” It’s such a comfort knowing that I was missed and am appreciated by my coworkers whom I deeply admire. I can’t wait to get back to my job!

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Broken hearts and the organization that shall not be named

28 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment

by Cocktails With Hemingway in Adam, Anger, Bullying, Child 'Protective' Services - CPS, Frustration, Grief, Tatum, Upset

Adam loves his bike despite the fact that it's entirely too big for him.

Last night my heart broke all over again. How I even have a heart left to break is beyond me. I know I must forge ahead and be strong for my children, yet it’s so unbelievably difficult knowing what’s in store these next few weeks. Heartbroken doesn’t even scratch the surface of the reality that I’ll be boarding a plane and flying 2000 miles away from my newborn daughter to return to California where I’m allowed to visit my son only once a week with a supervisor. Never in a million years would I even consider relocating until Adam was freed from this depraved system. Never in a million years would I endanger Tatum’s safety by bringing her out west. Never in a million years would I ever have expected my ‘marriage revival’ to go so horribly astray.

When Adam called me last night he raved about his new bike. Due to a misunderstanding at the women’s shelter [who generously gifted Adam with a bike], he received the wrong one, which is way too large for him. His cousin slapped some training wheels on it and it’s working for the time being. Adam also expressed his joy at his upcoming fourth birthday and the party we were planning. “It’s just for me?!” he asked. Before I could even detect a slight note of jealousy for his new sibling the next words out of his mouth were “Will my sister be at my birthday party?! She’s so beautiful.” I choked back the tears. He heard Tatum hiccuping and got really excited, asking tons of questions. On the phone it warmed my heart. As soon as we hung up I bawled my eyes out as I clutched Tatum to my chest. Once the tears subsided I was left with nothing but my anger.

Tatum truly is a gift from above. Discovering the tiny life within my belly was….unexpected…though I never considered for a second any alternative except giving Adam a sibling. Now I know why I gave birth in February 2012– so this dark maze I walk can be illuminated until I find the exit. It cannot come soon enough.

I like to think she's dreaming of her big brother...

People have expressed their sadness, anger, grief, frustration, and concern for me. While I appreciate their commiserations, this isn’t about me, and never has been. I use my internet space to speak from my perspective but don’t be fooled: I do this only to distract myself from the reality of Adam’s situation. My poor, poor child. His heartbreak, confusion, loneliness….I can’t. I just can’t. The thoughts of what this has done to him consume me. Writing about it would force me to look at the words and be confronted with an ugly reality I can’t even begin to face.

Out of respect for my mother I’m not going to speak of an appalling incident that happened this afternoon. Trust me– this is something that needs to be heard– but I’m not the one who makes that decision. I don’t mention this to pique anyone’s curiosity for something that won’t be revealed. I do reference this as a reminder that deplorable behavior does not go unnoticed.

How I react to this ordeal is entirely my decision….or how I react publicly and on this blog, at the very least. From this point forward I refuse to mention CPS. They won’t be called out by name or called out at all for that matter. It’s enough that they’ve ruined countless lives these past few months and I’m not giving them anymore of my time.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Cocktails With Hemingway

Mother’s Day 2013

Sacramento Failed Matthew Hernandez

First Birthday Parties

Fettuccine and hippos

Dread

Friday the 13th

April showers

Back in business

Broken hearts and the organization that shall not be named

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