"You may be right, I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for!"

So Much Beauty

“It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world.  Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once– and it’s too much– my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst.  And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it.  Then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.  You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.” ~ Lester Burnham

lesterIt’s been a hot minute since I blogged.  And by ‘minute’ I mean the end of February.  Let’s just say I’ve been on hiatus.  Everything’s going well with our little family and I’m slowly coming back around to the blog scene.  Until next Saturday….

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

 

 

Two year old Tatum

February 21, 2014  ♥

We celebrated Tatum’s second birthday with a nursery rhyme themed party at Kids Play.  My little diva had a blast– hardly stopping to take a breath.  Running constantly, she bounced from activity to activity, refusing to sit still or pose for pictures.  Her constant companion was ‘Baby’…world’s creepiest doll…who rarely left her sight.  Tater lugged Baby everywhere [see photos below], leaving a trail of deeply disturbed adults in her wake.  Just thinking about those drooping eyelids and bizarre gargling sounds makes me uncomfortable.  Moving right along.

The birthday girl

The birthday girl

Of course one of the only decent photos of both children is blurry.

Of course one of the only decent photos of both children is blurry.

Those pigtails!

Those pigtails!

Pizza time

Pizza time

Nursery rhyme cake

Nursery rhyme cake

Why does it look like I have a glass eye?

Why does it look like I have a glass eye?

Kevyn, Ayden, Shea, and Colton

Kevyn, Ayden, Shea, and Colton

S&M action

S&M action

Gigi and her grandkids

Gigi and her grandkids

Our soiree would not have been possible without the family and friends who attended.  I appreciate each and every person who spent two hours of their night making memories with us.  Adam appreciates the chance to dote on his little sister for her special day.  Tatum appreciates her presents.  We plan to have a much larger celebration for Adam’s birthday next month that will allow more people to come celebrate with us.

Despite the joy of such an occasion, anger boils beneath the surface.  My little family and I were robbed of so many memories….

I realize how incredibly lucky I am to watch my daughter drag around a creepy doll and poke a finger into her birthday cake.  How incredibly lucky I am to see my children laughing and playing together.  How incredibly lucky I am to spend two hours of my Friday night surrounded by screaming kids and sweaty little boys.   And I don’t take any of it for granted.

Theresa, I cannot thank you enough for all your help with the festivities.  Not only did you assist with planning and decorations– and provide 90% of the guest list!– but I got to sit with my son as he watched his sister blow out her birthday candles.  Huge thanks to Ms. Jane [Theresa's mom] as well for making Tatum’s adorable birthday outfit.  We’re so grateful for your family!

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Not so ladylike

Maris posted a video on my Facebook today that reminded her of us.

We’ve perfected the art of pajama couture, overstuffed bottomless pits purses, stellar dance moves, and going straight for the hard stuff.  The subtle nuances of flirting are completely lost on us.  Vulgar language– with entirely TMI– is the only language.  It may be a cold day in hell before anyone classifies us as ‘ladies,’ but we’re still awesome.  Beyond awesome.  And we revel in our awesomeness.

My coworkers will appreciate this description as well seeing as how they liken my awkwardness to Kristen Stewart.  Just don’t confuse my clumsiness, penchant for excessively casual men’s clothing [which sometimes causes strangers to question the which team I'm batting for], and lack of lady skills with a lack of class.  I know how to behave.  Mom and Dad raised me right.  This classy broad can turn it on when she needs to….which thankfully isn’t often.  Now if you’ll excuse me while I go unleash my inner Southern belle.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Be mine

Two years ago I spent Valentine’s Day with Danielle at her mom’s house in Southaven.  Very few people knew I had left my home in California– if anyone discovered my absence the consequences would be disastrous– and we carefully orchestrated fake internet postings as to not blow our cover.  Exactly 38 weeks pregnant, I frantically scrambled to find to find a doctor who would perform a mandatory C-section on an uninsured patient from another state whom they’d never met.   Seven days later I gave birth.

Last year I can’t even remember what I did for Valentine’s Day….which is probably for the best.

vdHow did we spend February 14, 2014?  Adam and Tatum celebrated at their respective parties in the morning, playing together and posing for adorable photos in the afternoon.  I worked a nine hour shift.  We all ate entirely too much baked goods.  The end.

zvalentine

He’s the remedy.

Z, you complete me.  I don’t need a ‘holiday’ to remind me how lucky I am to have a man like him.  Every day of the year I feel loved and valued.  My only complaint is that I haven’t seen you in eight days [cue Beatles music].  From this point forward every spare cent we have goes into our cohabitation fund.  The honeymoon’s over– it’s time to get serious about our future plans.  And the plan involves a place of our own.

Penmanship is one of many skills acquired in kindergarten.

Penmanship is one of many skills acquired before first grade.

Adam came home with a bag of valentines from the other kids in his kindergarten class.  Hats off to the dude who picked Star Wars cards.  It doesn’t get much cooler than a mini glow stick doubling as a light saber.  Virtually everyone opted for the traditional tear off card which don’t leave much room for personalization.  However, a very special girl wrote “we are buddy” in the top left hand corner of his valentine.  More on this later….

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Judgmental map of Memphis

Who is the the unknown cartographer responsible for such judgment?!  Let me commend them for an accurate assessment.  Memphis residents– and those of us who truly know and love this place– can poke fun at ourselves.

yessssBonus points for correctly labeling that vast wasteland strange territory across the bridge.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Wrath and grapes

My philosophy“Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight.” ~ Phyllis Diller

His philosophy“Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.” ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

angerTwo weeks ago marks the first time yours truly made Z angry.  We’re talking livid, way beyond any lover’s quarrel.  In true Sloane fashion I started spewing word vomit and didn’t know when to quit….totally mea culpa.  Not only did my behavior infuriate him but the things I said really hurt his feelings.  It was bad.  During that period a truth became glaringly apparent:  we have drastically different responses to anger.  Nobody in a healthy relationship wants to prolong conflict with their significant other.  Despite our different approaches both of us wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.  Yet I’m the type of person who wants to duke it out and be done with it– even if that means hashing it out in the heat of the moment with tempers flaring.  Conversely, he remains isolated until he’s ready to move forward.  He favors logic over emotion– refusing to engage me in battle– and take solitary space to process his feelings.

cLet me take this moment to divulge my Achilles’ Heel:  being ignored.  I have no qualms sharing this considering very few individuals are close enough to use it against me.  But if you are one of my nearest and dearest getting the cold shoulder cuts straight to the core.  Not knowing where I stand leaves me in a state of panic.  When Z chose not to respond to my calls and texts I completely lost it, bawling my eyes out while curled up in the fetal position.  Leaving ridiculous messages– vacillating between demands and pleas, sobs and screams, anxious and calm demeanor– I found myself nearing a total meltdown.  Who am I fooling?  It was a total meltdown.  Definitely not my finest moment[s].

Sad face on my lunch break

Sad face on my lunch break during the immediate aftermath

Eventually we spoke.  My reaction left him confused [and probably questioning my sanity] as he grappled with the seemingly unstable drama queen invading his girlfriend’s command center.  His reaction left me incredulous– how could he not realize he’d committed the cardinal sin?!  Unless somebody rewrote the ethics handbook two wrongs do not make a right.  I felt he was trying to ‘punish’ me and that was unfair.  He felt that I was acting like a woman possessed without taking responsibility for my actions.  Talk about being lost in translation.  After talking our way to a common ground we walked away from the ordeal stronger than ever.

hungerZ choosing to ‘ignore’ me it was not a punitive measure….quite the opposite actually.  Understanding how difficult it is to take back cruel words, he wanted to wait until he cooled down to ensure he didn’t make the situation worse by lashing out in anger.  I commend him for having enough love for me to not add fuel to the fire.  Because of him an already awful situation did not escalate further.  Temporarily walking away requires willpower, respect, and maturity.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Think before you speak.  Turn off your phone.  Decompress.  He recognized the importance I place on frequent communication [never more so than when things are rough]– and validated my need for resolution– even if the full peace treaty has yet to emerge.  Simply telling me he needs space saves me the despair of feeling neglected. 

Insanity at its finest.

Quite a few times I’ve expressed our mutual belief that Z and I share a brain, an assertion we stand by 100%.  However, this enlightening experience proves that two separate individuals exist within our shared wavelength, and we still have lots to learn about each other.  I think it’s a testament to our relationship that we made it half a year without any major incidents.  Dare I say it’s almost reassuring to realize that we can survive those bumps in the road that arise from our own doing?  Understanding him on a new level makes me a better partner.  It’s funny how you can know somebody so well…more than anyone else…better than they know themselves…yet still discover some of the most basic knowledge along the way.

[[ SIDENOTE:  Changing his contact information required less effort than blurring out his actual name.  I do not refer to him by his code letter in my phone or anywhere else for that matter.  Oh, and I don't like grapes.  ]]

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman

7/23/1967 – 2/2/2014

pshPhilip Seymour Hoffman was found dead in his Manhattan apartment today.  I first heard the stunning news from Brandi, who sent me a text lamenting the loss of our favorite actor.  He flew to the top of my list in 1999 after my mom and I sat in the theater riveted by his performance in The Talented Mr. Ripley.  If he appeared in a film I would see it…even if his presence was the only factor piquing my interest.  Lionsgate Studio accurately classified him as “a singular talent and one of the most gifted actors of our generation.”  The impressive body of work he leaves behind serves as a testament to his brilliance as an actor– such shockingly diverse roles– and his uncanny ability to completely embody those characters.

psh5

psh6Learning that he died from a heroin overdose devastated me.  I knew struggled with addiction; he entered rehab last year after more than two decades of sobriety.  Yet it’s always a punch in the gut to hear of another life lost to drugs.  We hear of celebrity overdoses in the news because these figures are often household names– but what about the 100 other individuals who died today as a result of drug toxicity?  How many more people have to die before our society changes the way we handle substance abuse?

psh9

psh7 “I think you should be serious about what you do because this is it.  This is the only life you’ve got.”

“One person’s religion is another person’s cult.”

“The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.”

“Life’s pretty funny when you’re objectively on the outside looking at it.”

psh8

psh4With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

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